Category: little johnny

A little girl is failing math, so her father decides to enroll her in Catholic school with the hopes of improving her grades.

During the first quarter, the girl refuses to play with her friends or even eat dessert after dinner in order to have more time to study.

On report card day, her father is astonished to see she earned an A+ in math.

�Why the sudden change of attitude about math?� her father inquires. �Do the nuns punish you?�

�No,� the girl replies, �but when I saw the little man on the wall nailed to the plus sign, I knew that this school was very serious about math!�

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

A.What do mice have for breakfeast
Q.Mice crispys

Little Jonny did not go to school one day. The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said “Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the Bull”. “How disgusting” said the teacher “I am sure your father could have done that” “No ma’m, he couldn’t have” said the little sod “It has to be the Bull”.

Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says…”Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!” The mom says…”the bigger they are, the dumber they are.”

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says…”Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy’s!” The mom says…”the bigger they are, the dumber they are.”

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says…”Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got !”

What did the rain cloud wear under his rain coat?

Answer: Thunder wear!

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed his mum’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, ‘I need a man, I need a man.’

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day Johnny came home from school and heard her moaning again. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself and moaned, ‘Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!’

One day dad sent his 5 year old sun to the store for a cocker spaniel,butter and a bucket. So he goes to the pet store and says I need a cockitspanket,a what a cockitspankit,oh you must mean a cocker spaniel,yea yea sure whatever. So he goes to the store and says i need some butt, what,some but.Oh you must mean some butter.Yea yea sure whatever.So he goes to the hardware store and says I need a fucket,a what,a fucket, oh.You must mean a bucket.Yea yea sure whatever.So while hes walking outside his cocker spaniel runs away and the boy runs into this hobo and says hold my but and fucket while I get my cockitspankit.

By Bill Adler

A Teenager is…

A person who can’t remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number..

A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast..

A youngster who receives his/her allowance on Monday, spends it on Tuesday, and borrows from his/her best friend on Wednesday.

Someone who can hear a song by Madonna played three blocks away but not his mother calling from the next room.

A whiz who can operate the latest computer without a lesson but can’t make a bed.

A student who will spend 12 minutes studying for her history exam and 12 hours for her driver’s license.

A youngster who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

An enthusiast who has the energy to ride a bike for miles, but is usually too tired to dry the dishes.

A connoisseur of two kinds of fine music: Loud and Very Loud.

A young woman who loves the cat and tolerates her brother.

A person who is always late for dinner but always on time for a Michael Jackson concert.

A romantic who never falls in love more than once a week.

A budding beauty who never smiles until her braces come off.

A boy who can sleep until noon on any Saturday when he suspects the lawn needs mowing.

An original thinker who is positive that her mother was never a teenager.

Q: What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF?
A: A watchdog!

Q: Why do male deer need braces?
A: Because they have “buck teeth!”

“I have decided to abolish all corporal punishment at this school,” said the principal at morning assembly.

“That means that there will be no physical punishment.”

A voice is heard from the back, “Does that mean that we don’t have to eat school meals any more, sir?”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo

A mom was out walking with her 4 year old daughter. the child picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. The mother asked
her not to do that.

“Why?”

“Because it’s been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs.”

At this point, the child looked at her mom with total admiration and asked,
“Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” the mom was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, “Um, it’s on
the mommy test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a mommy.”

“Oh.”

They walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but the child was evidently
pondering this new information.

“I get it!” she beamed. “Then if you flunk, you have to be the daddy.”

1) thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait?)

2) thou shall not do drugz
(alcohol last longer)

3) thou shall not steal from K-mart.
(Wal*Mart has a bigger selection)

4) thou shall not get arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect)

5) thou shall not steal from thy parents.
(every-1 knows grandma has more money)

6) thou shall not get in fights.
(just start them)

7) thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) thou shall not strip in class.
(hooters pays more)

9) thou shall not think about having sex.
(as nike sayz just do it)

10) thou shall not help old ladies cross the street.
(just leave them in the middle)