Category: little johnny

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds.

She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs.

One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, “The tooth fairy will never believe this!”

20. Bob the Germ’s Wonderous Journey Into and Back Out of Your Digestive System.

19. The Little Engine that Could Becomes Intoxicated and Kills Civillians.

18. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’s Games of Revenge.

17. Peter Rabbit’s Frisky Adventures.

16. Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The ‘Hood’.

15. Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Master and is Put to Sleep.

14. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad.

13. The Tickling Babysitter

12. Charles Manson Bedtime Stories.

11. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle.

10. Babar Meets the Taxedermist.

9. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear.

8. David Duke’s World of Imagination.

7. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence.

6. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables.

5. Start a Real-Estate Empire with the change from your Mom’s Purse.

4. The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy.

3. Things Rich Kids Have, but you never will.

2. Let’s Draw Betty and Veronica without their clothes on.

1. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and are Shot Dead.

The following are letters from children to GOD.

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Dear GOD, In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
-Jane

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Dear GOD, I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me.
Love, Alison

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Dear GOD, Are you really invisible or is that just a trick?
-Lucy

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Dear GOD, Is it true my father won’t get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
-Anita

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Dear GOD, Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
-Norma

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Dear GOD, Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don’t You just keep the ones You have now?
-Jane

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Dear GOD, Who draws the lines around the countries?
-Nan

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Dear GOD, I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
-Neil

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Dear GOD, What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
-Jane

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Dear GOD, Did you really mean “do unto others as they do unto you”? Because if you did, then I’m going to fix my brother.
-Darla

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Dear GOD, Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
-Joyce

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Dear GOD, It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway. Your friend (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

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Dear GOD, Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
-Tom L.

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Dear GOD, Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
-Bruce

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Dear GOD, If we come back as something – please don’t let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
-Denise

What did 1 strawberry say to another?

Answer, if you weren’t so fresh you wouldn’t be in this jam!

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, “Good morning son.”

“Good morning pastor” replied the young man not taking his eyes off the plaque.

“Sir, what is this?” Johnny asked.

“Well son, these are all the people who have died in the service”, replied the pastor.

Soberly, they stood together staring up at the large plaque. Little Johnny’s voice barely broke the silence when he asked quietly, “Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?”

During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of
various acids. “Now I’m dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will
it dissolve?” “No, sir,” a student called out. “No?” queried the professor.
“Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won’t dissolve.” “Because if it
would, you wouldn’t have dropped it in.”

This is fiction, fantasy and simply made up… but sometimes ya gotta wish… A young mother paying a visit to the home of friends who were both scientists, made no attempt to restrain her five-year-old son, who was ransacking an adjoining room. Finally, an extra loud clatter of bottles did prompt her to say: ‘I hope you don’t mind Johnny being in there.”No,’ said the chemist calmly, ‘He’ll be quiet when he gets to the poisons.’

One day when jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework
he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet.

when he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. his mum was in
the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her “mum, what is the first letter
of the alphabet?”
just as he had finished asking this question his mum sliced her finger open
and shouted “s***!!!”
jimmy wrote this down and went outside to see his older brother.

he asked him “big brother, whet is the second letter of the alphabet?”
his brother was crouched on the floor talking to a drugged up teenager and
jimmy heard him say “only if you give me some heroin!”

jimmy wrote this down and went into the living room and saw his little sister
watching superman.
“sister, what is the third letter of the alphabet?”
his sisters eyes were fixed on the the tv and she ignored jimmy. “superman!!!”
she shouted out in excitment.

the next day when jimmy went into school the teacher asked him if he had done
his homework.
jimmy then shouted out “s***!!!” (the first letter of the alphabet.)

his teacher was very angry and shouted “right young man, you’re going to the
head teacher!”
and jimmy replied by saying “only if you give me some heroin!” the teacher’s
face went red with anger and dragged jimmy to the head teacher’s office by his
ear. when jimmy and the teacher were in the head teacher’s office the
headteacher asked, “who do you think you, are young man?”

so jimmy shouted “superman!!!!!”

A little boy was out trick or treating one Halloween dressed as a pirate.

A lady opened the door and looked at him and said, “You’re a cute little pirate. Where are your buccaneers?”

He looked at her and said, “Under my buckin’ hat, lady.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by yisman

When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked five-year-old Sammy how he liked the new place. “It’s terrific,” he said. “I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom is still in with dad.”

yo kids is so ugly when they was born the doctor caught a heart attack

One day there was a grandmother, her 2 grandaughters, and her grandson and they were baking a cake. And as they were baking the cake their grandmother accidently put bullets in the cake, but she said that it will be ok. And so they finished the cake and the grandchildren ate it and a couple hours later her first grandaughter came downstairs and told her grandmother that she had peed out a bullet. Then a couple minuets later her second grandaughter came down and said grandma grandma I peed out a bullet. Then her grandson came down a couple minuets later and said grandma grandma guess what. and his grandma said let me guess you peed out a bullet too. Then, the grandon said no, I was jacking off and i shot the dog.