Category: little johnny

DAD – Son, come in here, we need to talk.

SON – What’s up, Dad?

DAD – There’s a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?

SON – I don’t believe; if I understand the definition of “scratch the car”; that I can say, truthfully,that I scratched the car.

DAD – Well, it wasn’t there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch?

SON – Well, as I’ve said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it.

DAD – But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I’ll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car?

SON – Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did “I” scratch the car. I stand by my earlier statement, that I did not scratch the car.

DAD – Are you trying to tell me you didn’t drive the car into the mailbox?

SON – Well, you see sir, I was trying to drive the car into the street. I mishandled the steering of the car, and it resulted in direct contact with the mailbox, though that was clearly not my intent.

DAD – So you are then saying that you did hit the mailbox?

SON – No sir, that’s not my statement. I’ll refer you back to my original statement that I did not scratch the car.

DAD – But the car did hit the mailbox, and the car did get scratched as a result of this contact?

SON – Well, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way.

DAD – So you lied to me when you said you did not scratch the car?

SON – No. No, that’s not correct. Your question was “Did I scratch the car?” From a strict legal definition, as I understood the meaning of that sentence, I did not scratch the car… the mailbox did… I was merely present when the scratching occurred. So my answer of “No” when you asked “Did I scratch the car” was legally correct, although I did not volunteer information.

DAD – Where in the heck did you learn to be such a liar?

SON – From The President of the United States.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing

During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class, “Why is it that during childhood girls tend to grow taller than guys?”

Little Johnny raised his hand and replied, “That’s because guys have balls and that weighs them down.”

The teacher, a bit annoyed, responded, “Then why is it that at maturity guys tend to grow taller than girls?”

Little Johnny countered by saying, “That’s because girls get breasts and they are heavier than the guy’s balls.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Glaci

A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree. Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow.

“Who is this incredibly fine archer?” cried the duke. “I must find him!”

After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

“You didn’t just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the
middle, did you?” asked the duke worriedly.

“No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy.”

“That is truly astonishing,” said the duke. “I hereby admit you into my service.” The boy thanked him profusely.

“But I must ask one favor in return,” the duke continued.
“You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot.”

“Well,” said the boy, “first I fire the arrow at the tree…
…and then I paint the target around it.”

It was that time during the Sunday morning service for “the children’s sermon,” and all the children were invited to come forward.
One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, “That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?”

The little girl replied, directly into the pastor’s clip-on microphone, “Yes, and my Mom says it’s a Bitch to iron.”

I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She
asked, “Do I click the square?” I said yes.

She then asked me, “Single click or double click?”

Wh�t ��� The Banana Siting In The Sun
Say To The Other Banana Siting In The Sun???????
I Don`t No About U
But I`m Starting To Peel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The instructor of a Lamaze class is teaching the young couples how to breathe properly during delivery.

The teacher announces, �Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn�t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner.�

The room gets quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raises his hand.

�Yes?� the teacher asks.

The man asks, �Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?�

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Clark Kent

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

Q: What gives milk and has one horn?

A: A milk truck!

A mafioso’s son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first
writes, “Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a
new…” He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, “Dear baby Jesus, I have
been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new…” He again looks at it
with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother’s room, takes a statue of the
Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece
of paper and writes, “Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother
again…”

A young boy had just got his driver’s permit and inquired of his father, if
they could discuss the possibility of buying a motorcycle. His father took him
to the study and said to the boy, “I’ll make a deal with you, son. You bring
your grades up from a C to a B-average, study your Bible a little, and get your
hair cut and we’ll talk about the motorcycle.”

Well, the boy thought about that for a moment and decided that he’d best
settle for the offer, and they agreed.

After about six weeks the boy came back and again asked his father about the
motorcycle. Again they went to the study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been
real proud of you. You’ve brought your grades up, and I’ve observed that you’ve
been studying your Bible and participating a lot more in the Bible study class
on Sunday morning. But I’m real disappointed seeing as you haven’t got your hair
cut.”

The young man paused a moment and then said, “You know, Dad, I’ve been
thinking about that, and I’ve noticed in my studies of the Bible that Sampson
had long hair, Moses had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, and there’s
even strong argument that Jesus Himself had long hair.”

To which his father replied, “You’re right, son. Did you also notice that they
all WALKED everywhere they went?”

a little horse walked into a bar to order something and the horse said im a little horse.