Category: little johnny

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber
runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies
are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to
operate. All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in
tears. “What’s wrong?� asks the mother. “I was taking pee and this bullet came
out,� replies the daughter. The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what
happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the
room in tears. “Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out”. Again the
mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. A week
later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay,� says the mom, “I know
what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out.” “No,” says the boy,
“I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”

Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?

A: Booger King!!!

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)

2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)

3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)

4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)

5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)

6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow…just start them.)

7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)

8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)

9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, “just do it”)

10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave’m in the middle)

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

A: Because it was dead!

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out.”If I gave you $200,” the teacher began, “and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?””An orgy,” Johnny answered.

Ready to have some fun?

Read the following cat story slowly and attentively…

This is this cat
This was is cat
This is how cat
This was to cat
This is keep cat
This was a cat
This is idiot cat
This was busy cat

Ok, now read the third word in every line!

Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? To see time fly!

Little Sidney was watching his mummy prepare the fish for dinner.
She asks him, �Do you know what part of a fish weighs the most, darling?�
�No,� he replies.
�It�s the scales.�

-What do you call three ducks and a box of Triscuits?

-“Quackers”

A new mother took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her little girl in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put the purchases around her. In the checkout line, she noticed a small boy and his mother were ahead of her.
The small boy was crying and begging for some special treat. “He wants some candy or gum and his mother won’t let him have any”, she thought.

Then she heard his mother’s reply. “No!” she said, looking in her direction. “You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!”

“When I was a youngster,” complained the frustrated father, shaking his head, “I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But our son has his own color TV, phone, computer and CD player.”

“So what do you do when your son misbehaves?” asked his friend.

“I send him to our room!”

Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

A. “Is that you mommy?”