Category: little johnny

A group of third, fourth, and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour some of the children wanted to go to the toilet so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men’s toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn’t reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up by the armpits, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child. “I guess you must be in the fifth,” she said.

“No ma’am,” he replied, “I’m in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. Thanks for the lift anyhow.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . .

After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: “Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”

Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made.

The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: “Now there are two!”

One day a little girl came up to her mom and said, “Why did you and daddy get devorced?”
And the mother replied “Lets talk about this later hunny” So the girl went to investigate,
She came back later and said, “I found you licence! I know why you divored!!”
The mother said, “Oh? Why?”
The girl blurted out “CUZ… YOU GOT AN F IN SEX!”

HE YOUR SO COOL ILL CALL YOU COLO.

On day there was a boy at school. He needed to go to the toilet. The teacher said “Say your ABCs first”

The boy started saying “A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z”

The teacher asked at the end “Where is your P?”
The boy answered “Running down my pants!!”

Question: What’s the biggest pencil in the World?

Answer: Pennsylvania!

Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing.

“Why are you crying?” asked the little boy.

“I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the girl.

When he heard this, the little boy started to cry.

“Why are you crying?” asked the girl.

The boy looked at her worriedly and said, “I’m here for a urine test.”

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the
upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On
the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself
assigned to the toughest students in school.
Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as
possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his
tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. “How did I get here, Mommy?” she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, “Why God sent you, Honey.”

“And did God send you too, Mommy?” she continues.

“Yes, Sweetheart, he did.”

“And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?”

“Yes, Honey, all of them, too.”

The child shakes her head in disbelief.

“Then you’re telling me there’s been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

The neighbour dropped in on a friend and found her sitting at the kitchen table, staring blankly at a half-empty cup of coffee; her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.”What’s wrong Tracey ?” she asked.Tracey told her that she had “morning sickness”. Surprised the neighbour said, “I didn’t even know you were pregnant.””I’m not.” the harried young woman replied. “I’m just damn sick of mornings.”

Mother calls up stairs, “You boys better get down here and eat your breakfast or you’ll be late for school!”

As they are ambling down, the 5-year-old turns to the 4-year-old, stops and says, “Today we’re gonna learn to swear!” The 4-year-old gives a fearful look.

The 5-year-old continues, “When we get to the table, I’ll say ‘hell’ and you say ‘ass’!” The 4-year-old agrees with reservation.

They seat themselves at the table. Mother greets them. “Good morning boys! What would you like for breakfast?”

The 5-year-old leans back and cocks his head… “Hell Mom! I’ll have Cheerios!”

He is promptly escorted to another room while the 4-year-old seated at the table grimaces upon hearing the wailing cries of big brother getting a serious licking.

Mother returns with sniffling 5-year-old. She turns to 4-year-old and says compassionately, “Well now, what would you like for breakfast?”

The 4-year-old replies, “I don’t know ma…
But you can bet your ass it ain’t Cheerios!”

“What do you want to be when you grow up little Johnny?”

“A doctor?”

“And why is that?”

“Because it’s the only profession where you can tell women to take off their clothes and then stick their husbands with the bill.”