Category: little johnny

Q: what did the policeman say to his tummy
A: your under a vest

Whats the longest rope in the world?

EUROPE!

There was a class taken place in a church (Sunday School) and the teacher asked the class, “Were does Jesus live?” One little boy raised his hand and said in my bathroom. The teacher asked, “How is that?” The boy said,”Everytime my dad wakes up He goes to the bathroom and yells Jesus Christ, You are still in there!”

From Matt Groening’s “Big Book Of Hell”, here are: ‘Lies My Older Brother And Sister Told Me’…

The Sleeping Alligator Story Older Bro/Sis: See this? He isn’t stuffed, ya know. He’s sleeping. You: Really? Bro/Sis: If you don’t believe me, why don’t you put your finger in his mouth?

The Boy-Trap Warning Bro/Sis: Inside my closet, there’s a little door, and behind that little door, there’s a boogey-man, and he’s set traps in there, little boy traps. You: Really? Bro/Sis: And they’re baited with CUSTARD. You: Uh-oh.

The Alphabet Trick Bro/Sis: You can come up in the tree fort if you can recite the whole alphabet. You: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y and Z. Bro/Sis: Wrong. Scram.

The Yes-And-No Mind Puzzler Bro/Sis: Yes means no and no means yes. Do you want me to hit you? You: Yes! No! Yes! No! Help!

The Lure Of New Toys Bro/Sis: There’s some new toys for you down in the basement. You should go down there. You: But last time you shut the door and turned off the lights. Bro/Sis: This time we won’t.

The Snowflake Story Bro/Sis: Well I’ll be!! Identical snowflakes!! You: Lemme see!! Lemme see!! Bro/Sis: Too late. They melted.

The Movie Switcheroo You: Hey!! This isn’t Bambi!! Bro/Sis: This’s better’n Bambi.

The Elf Bro/Sis: I’d like you to meet Tom. You: I don’t see anybody. Bro/Sis: Tom’s invisible. You: Oh sure. Bro/Sis: He’s an elf. If you’re nice to him, he’ll give you three wishes. You: Hi, Tom.

The Family Reunion, 20 Years Later Bro/Sis: I don’t remember doing any of that stuff to you. Other Bro/Sis: Me neither.

Little Leah asks her dad, �Do you know what happened when the lion ate the
comedian?�
�No, I don�t, darling.�
�He felt funny.�

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three-year-old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her no. The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, “Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through — don’t be upset. It won’t be long.”

Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn’t have any, she began to cry. The mother said softly, “There, there, Monica, don’t cry — only two more aisles to go and then we’ll be checking out.”

When they got to the checkout stand, the little girls immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there’d be no gum purchased. The mother patiently said, “Monica, we’ll be through this checkout stand in five minutes and then you can go home and have a nice nap.”

The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. “I couldn’t help noticing how patient you were with little Monica,” he began.

The mother sighed and replied, “Oh, no. I’m Monica – my little girl’s name is Tammy.”

Q: Why didn’t the monster make the football team?
A: Because he threw like a ghoul!

knock knock
who�s there
olive
olive who
olive here not next door

Little Morris was telling his friend Cyril all about his Chanukah presents.
�My daddy bought me a mouth organ. It�s the best present I’ve ever had.�
�Why?�
�Because my mummy gives me extra money every week if I don�t play it.�

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, “Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?”Her mother replied, “Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while, and then said, “So, Momma, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?”

Q: What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent?

A: “Show me the honey!”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo, Tantilazing and yisman

Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office.When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest.This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, “It’s no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size.”