Category: little johnny

Dad: The only way to acquire a new skill is to start at the bottom.

Son: But I want to learn to swim?

Me: Will u remember me in a second?
Somebody else: Yes
Me: Will u remember me in a minute?
Somebody else: Yes
Me: Will u remember me in a hour?
Somebody else: yes
Me: Will u remember me in a month?
Somebody else: yes
Me: Will u remember me in a year?
Somebody else: yes
Me: Another year?
Somebody else: yes

Me: Knock, knock

Somebody else: Whos there?

Me: Horseridertiff

And then somebody else says: Horseridertiff who?

Then me says: I thought u would remember me!

***************************************************************************************************************
Because u said will u remember me in a minute and the rest of the stuff.

One day a mom was exasperated with her young son’s antics.

She snapped at him saying, “How do you ever expect to get into heaven?”

“Well,” fidgeted the little boy after some thought. “I’ll run in and out, and keep slamming the door till they say ‘Come in or stay out!’ and then I’ll go in.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

A blonde girl was eating Cheerios cereal one morning, and turned to her father and said, “Look Daddy . . . doughnut seeds.”

What do you get when you cross a Rotweiler with a Collie?
A dog who bites off your arm and go’s to get help.

The little boy greeted his grandmother with a hug and said, “I’m so happy to see you grandma. Now maybe daddy will do the trick he has been promising us.”
The grandmother was curious. “What trick is that my dear,” she asked.

The little boy replied, “I heard daddy tell mommy that he would climb the walls if you came to visit us again.”

University: ______________________
To: Professor_____________________
From: __________________________

I think my grade in your course, ___________________, should be changed from
______ to _______ for the following reasons:
__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.
__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.
__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won’t get into:
__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__My Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech
__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in: _______________.
__5. I’ll lose my scholarship.
__6. I’m on a varsity sports team and my tutor couldn’t find a copy of your
exam.
__7. I didn’t come to class and the person whose notes I used did not
cover the material asked for on the exam.
__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.
__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about
general principles.
__10. You are prejudiced against:
__Males
__Jews
__Blacks
__Females
__Catholics
__Whites
__Protestants
__Moslems
__Minorities
__Chicanos
__People
__Students
__11. If I flunk out of school my father will disinherit me or at least cut my
allowance.
__12. I was unable to do well in this course because of the
following illness:
__mono
__broken baby finger
__acute alcoholism
__pregnancy
__VD
__fatherhood
__13. You told us to be creative but you didn’t tell us exactly how you wanted
that done.
__14. I was creative and you said I was just shooting the bull.
__15. I don’t have a reason; I just want a higher grade.
__16. The lectures were:
__too detailed to pick out important points
__not explained in sufficient detail
__too boring
__all jokes and not enough material
__all of the above
__17. This course was:
__too early, I was not awake.
__at lunchtime, I was hungry
__too late, I was tired
__18. My (dog, cat, gerbil) (ate, wet on, threw up on) my (book, notes, paper)
for this course.
__19. Other__________________________________

13. Joey’s E-Mail Joke, and His Subsequent Visit from the Secret Service

12. Larry Learns About Leather

11. My Dad is a Fifty-Year-Old Hippie and I Want Some Discipline

10. It’s a Mall World After All

9. RJ Reynolds Presents: A Teenager’s Guide to the Dangerous, Grown-Up and Really Cool World of Smoking

8. I Can Stop Anytime I Want: My Personal Beanie Baby Hell

7. Look Before Crossdressing

6. The Littlest Testicle

5. Binge and Purge: A Junior High Girl’s Guide to Staying Skinny

4. If You Cant Stand the Infection, Don’t Get Your Nipple Pierced

3. Eschew the Powder, Zebedee: An Amish Drug Tragedy

2. Yikes! My Boobs are Growing!

1. Your Internet Friend, Billy, Who Wants You to Take a Bus to Miami By Yourself, Probably Isn’t Really 10 Years Old Like You

One day, a little boy goes over to his grandparents house and is sitting out on the poarch with his grandfather.

Grandpa is drinking a beer and the little boy asks if he can have a sip.

“Can your dick touch your asshole?” replies the grandpa.

He says no, so the grandpa says “well, then you arent old enough yet to drink beer”.

The little boy goes back to his grandparents house about a week later and is again sitting on the poarch with grandpa, and again asks if he can have a sip of grandpa’s beer.

“Can your dick touch your asshole yet?” He says it still cant, so Grandpa say “Sorry, but youre still not old enough yet”

The little boy goes inside where grandma gives him a plate of fresh cookies. He goes back outside and Grandpa asks him if he can have one.

“Can YOUR dick touch YOUR asshole, Grandpa?”

“Sure can” says Grandpa.

“Well good for you, then go fuck yourself, cuz these are my cookies”

Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out.

“If I gave you $200,” the teacher began, “and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?”

“An orgy,” Johnny answered.

One day, little Eddy went up to his mum “Mummy,” he asked, “does God live in our bathroom???” the mum, looking surprised said, “Why Honey?” and Eddy replied, “Because everyday dad bangs on the door and shouts “GOD ARE YOU STILL IN THERE??”

why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side!!!