Category: little johnny

A man was driving home from work one evening when he suddenly realized Christmas was coming up and he had not yet purchased his daughter a gift.

So, the man rushed off to the nearest toy store and asked the sales clerk, “How much is that Barbie in the window?”

The sales clerk replied in a condescending tone, “Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”

The overwhelmed man asked, “Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.00 and all the others are only $19.95?”

“That’s obvious!” said the sales clerk. “Divorce Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, and Ken’s furniture.”

Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The nine year old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.The cashier asks “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”The nine year old replies “Nope, not for my mom.” Without thinking, the cashier responded “Well, they must be for your sister then?”The nine year old quipped, “Nope, not for my sister either.”The cashier had now become curious “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?”The nine year old says “They’re for my four year old little brother.”The cashier is surprised “Your four year old little brother??”The nine year old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can’t do either of them!”

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly.

So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was just being the Ring Bear!”

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Curtis

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She
called on him and said, “Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?” Little Johnny
quickly replied, “MTv, Star Moves, Channel-V and the Cartoon Network!”

Q: What gives milk and has one horn?

A: A milk truck!

As sex education is being taught at a younger age these days little Johnny is in class one day when the teacher begins the days sex lesson. “Todays letter is the letter “p” and the word is “penis”.

Little Johnny can hardly contain himself and blurts out, “I know what that is”! “I know! I know!!” ” My daddy has two of them! “

“He has a little one he goes pee with…and a great big one he brushes the baby sitters teeth with!”

Once there was a mom and a dad , they had a daughter called angelica.so the
dad was very thirsty because he was driving alot,so he asked his daughter
“sweetheart can i have some of your juice?” and she answer “daddy no drinking
and driving ,that’s what the law says!!!”

A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave the children a work sheet to do. After a little while, a student, by the name of Little Johnny, was having some difficulty with the work and was heard to exclaim loudly, “Damn!”.

The teacher leaned over and said quietly, “We don’t say that in school.”

Johnny looked up at the teacher, his eyes got very big and wide and he said, “Not even when its all fucked up?!”

The teacher was going round the class of young kids asking them a word with 3 silibles. a girl puts her hand up and says “BEAUT-I-FUL”. “well done” says the teacher! Joe puts his hand up and says “MAS-TER-BATE” “NO JOE, THAT WORD JUST SUCKS!”
he replied with “I THOUGHT THAT WAS A BLOW JOB, MISS”

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it’s her turn, she climbs up on Santa’s lap and Santa asks,
‘What would you like me to bring you for Christmas?’

The little girl replies,
‘I want a Barbie and a G. I. Joe doll.’

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says,
‘I thought Barbie comes with Ken.’

‘No,’ the little girl replies, ‘She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken.’

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner “Mom & Pop” grocery
picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over,
and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he hade lot of laundry to do.
“Oh, no laundry,” the boy said, “I’m going to wash my dog.”
“But you shouldn’t use this to wash your dog. It’s very powerful and if you
wash your dog in this, he’ll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him.”
But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and
paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.
About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer
asked the boy how his dog was doing.
“Oh, he died,” the boy said.
The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died
but added, “I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog.”
“Well, the boy replied, “I don’t think it was the detergent that killed him.”
“Oh? What was it then?”
“I think it was the rinse cycle!”

Little Johnny’s teacher asked him, “Johnny, give me a sentence using the words, “bitter end” in it.Little Johnny thought for a moment and replies, “Our dog chased our cat and he bitter end.”