Category: little johnny

Why did the cow cross the road

:to follow the chicken

A boy walks in on his parents having sex.

Curious, he asks “What are you doing?”

Dad replies, “You know how you always wanted a little brother? I’m putting one in your mom.”

The next day the dad comes home and sees the his son crying on the porch and he asks, “What’s wrong?”

The kid answers, “Remember how you put my brother in mommy last night? Well, the mailman came by today and ate it!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were
drawing. She walked around to look at the artwork.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
drawing was.

The girl replied, “I’m drawing God.”

The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing the girl replied, “They
will in a minute.”

A seventh grade Biology teacher arranged a demonstration for his class.

He took two earth worms and in front of the class he did the following.

He dropped the first worm into a beaker of water where it dropped to the bottom and wriggled about.

He dropped the second worm into a beaker of Ethyl alcohol and it immediately shrivelled up and died.

He asked the class if anyone knew what this demonstration was intended to show them.

A boy in the second row immediately shot his arm up and, when called on said: “You’re showing us that if you drink alcohol, you won’t have worms.”

As sex education is being taught at a younger age these days little Johnny is in class one day when the teacher begins the days sex lesson. “Todays letter is the letter “p” and the word is “penis”.Little Johnny can hardly contain himself and blurts out, “I know what that is”! “I know! I know!!” ” My daddy has two of them! “”He has a little one he goes pee with…and a great big one he brushes the baby sitters teeth with!”

A TEACHER ASKS ITS PUPILS TO SAY A SENTENCE WITH A WORD THAT SHE GIVES THEM .

RIGHT SHE SAYS,JOHNNY YOUR WORD IS FASCINATE.

JOHNNY SAYS MY BROTHER HAS A COAT WITH NINE BUTTONS BUT HE CAN ONLY FASTEN EIGHT.

RIGHT SHE SAYS JIMMY INFATUATION IS YOUR WORD.

JIMMY SAYS A INDIAN WALKS INTO A CHIP SHOP AND SAYS HOW DO YOU FRY YOUR CHIPS,THE ASSISTANT SAYS IN FAT U ASIAN BUGGER.

your so ugly your mama had to feed you with a sling shot!

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new
electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop, and her son said,
“All of you sons of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause
this is the last stop! And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to
get on, get your asses on the train now, cause we’re going down the tracks!”

The mother went into the living room and told her son, “We don’t use that kind
of language in this house. Now go to you room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When
you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice
language.”

Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his
train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say “All passengers
who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of you belongings
with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a
pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.”

She hears the little boy continue. “For those of you just boarding, we ask you
to stow all of your hand luggage under you seat. Remember, there is no smoking
on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us
today.”

Then, the child added, “And for those of you who are pissed off about the TWO
HOUR DELAY, see the bitch in the kitchen.”

“Children are like animals at the zoo. They are nice to visit, but you shouldn’t take one home.” — Arlene L.

This is what I’ve always said about pregnancy/childbirth: “I saw ‘Alien,’ and I’m NOT doing THAT!” — Unknown

THANK YOU FOR NOT BREEDING (bumper sticker)

“If I ever decide I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet… I’ll put shoes on my cats.” — Magnetic Graffiti Co

How can you trust me with a baby if you can’t trust me with a choice? (bumper sticker)

“In America, there are two modes of travel: First Class and With Children” — Robert Benchley

“Children are a sexually transmitted disease.” — Unknown

“I would get pregnant only if I could be sure I’d have puppies.” — Cynthia Nelms

“Men are generally more careful of the breed of their horses and dogs than of their children.” — William Penn

“All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.” — Fran Lebowitz, American journalist, _Metropolitan Life_, 1978

“The mother of the year should be a sterilized woman with two adopted children.” — Paul Ehrlich, American scientist

“The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.” — Clarence Darrow, American lawyer and reformer.

“Bachelors’ wives and old maids’ children are always perfect.” — Nicholas Chamfort, French writer

“I love children. Especially when they cry — for then someone takes them away.” — Nancy Mitford, British writer

“Physically there is nothing to distinguish human society from the farm yard, except that children are more troublesome and costly than chickens and women are not so completely enslaved as farm stock.” — George Bernard Shaw, [Quasi-]British playwright

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.

“Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”

“That’s mighty nice of you, ” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “but Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish !” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon!”

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he’d found a cat, but it was dead.

“How do you know that the cat was dead?” She asked her pupil.

“Because I pissed in its ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently.

“You did WHAT ?!” The teacher exclaimed in surprise.

“You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst!’ and it didn’t move.”

Submitted by Jasmine
Editted by Calamjo and Curtis

Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog had recently died.

“You know,” Mom said, “it’s not your fault that the dog died.

He’s probably on his way up to heaven right now, having a grand old time with God.”

Susie, still crying, could not be consoled.

Tears poured out as she said, “What would God want with a dead dog?”