Category: little johnny

One day Johnny walked into the classroom, and the teacher said, “Johnny, do you have your report done?”

He replied, “No ma’am.”

She said, “If you don’t have it done by tomorrow then I’m going to make a call to your parents.”

As Johnny is walking home from school he looks to his left and sees two greyhounds racing, one gets so far ahead of the other one that it just stops and the other one rams its head right up its ass.

Johnny takes out a piece of paper and writes it all down, saying to himself, ‘This is going to be my report.’

The next day at school the teacher says, “Johnny, do you have your report done?”

He says, “Sure do.” He goes up to the front of the class and starts telling them what he saw. “Yesterday I was walking home from school when I saw these two greyhounds racing, and one rammed its head right up the other’s ass.”

The teacher says, “Johnny, we don’t use the word ‘ass’ in the classroom, it’s rectum.”

Johnny said, “Rectum? Hell, it damn near killed ’em.”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Suzie: Don’t bite any!

When my three-year-old son opened his birthday gift from his Grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to my Mom and said, “I’m surprised at you. Don’t you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?” Mom smiled and then replied…..”Oh, I remember….”

Willy wonka was sat on the toilet havind a poo and his wife shouted what ya doing he said making chocolate.

What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?
She called the toe truck!

Q. What did the snail say when he climbed onto the turtles back?

A. WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”

Johnny had just received his brand new drivers license. The family goes out to
the driveway and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride
for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the
new driver.

“I’ll bet you’re back there to get a change of scenery after all those months
of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,” says the
beaming boy to the his dad.

“Nope,” comes dad’s reply, “I’m going to sit here and kick the back of your
seat as you drive, just like you’ve been doing to me all these years!”

Little Johnny (that little bugger again!) was being particularly reckless one day. He was playing in the backyard when some honeybees started swirling around, annoying him. He began stomping on them in a temper and his father saw him.’That’s it. No honey for you for one month.’Later, Johnny pondered over some butterflies and soon started catching them and crushing them under his feet. His father again caught him and after a brief moment of thought said, ‘No butter for you for one month.’Early that evening, Johnny’s mother was cooking dinner and got jumpy when cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. She began stomping on them one by one until all the cockroaches were dead.Johnny’s mother looked up to find Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to which Johnny said, ‘Are you going to tell her, Daddy, or do you want me to?’

• Dad’s New Wife Timothy
• Pop! Goes The Hamster….And Other Great Microwave Games
• Maybe Dick
• The Boy Who Ate Spinach…And Lived To Tell About It
• How to Become The Dominant Military Power In Your Elementary School
• Safe Sex And The Zip-Lock bag
• Testing Homemade Parachutes With Nothing At All But Your Household Pets
• Egghead – And Other Things Mrs. Dumpty Gave Humpty
• The Complete Set Of “Mother Got Goosed” Nursery Rhymes
• Those Great Childhood Fragrances…Apple Pie, Cotton Candy And Bicycle Seats

Why was your mom scared when you were born?
Because you were so ugly…HaHaHaHa

A boy walks in on his parents having sex.

Curious, he asks “What are you doing?”

Dad replies, “You know how you always wanted a little brother? I’m putting one in your mom.”

The next day the dad comes home and sees the his son crying on the porch and he asks, “What’s wrong?”

The kid answers, “Remember how you put my brother in mommy last night? Well, the mailman came by today and ate it!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis