Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
“Why?” asks the father.
“The teacher asked ‘How much is 2×3?’ I said ‘6’”
“But that’s right!”
“Then she asked me ‘How much is 3×2?'”
His father asks, “What’s the fucking difference?”
Johnny says, “That’s exactly what I said!”
Category: little johnny
Sex Relatively Speaking
“Dad,” asked son, “What’s that shriveled up old thing on
Grandma ?”
Dad replied “That’s Grandpa”.
Day after Christmas.
It’s the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change.
The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, “Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?”
The youngster responds, proudly, “Ya, Santa brought it for me.”
The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicyle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, “Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it.”
Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, “And did Santa bring you that horse?”
Humouring the youngster, the policeman answers, “Why, yes, he did.”
To which Johnny responds, “Well, next time you better tell him to put the dick underneath the horse, not on top.”
Penis like a peanut
Little Jenny comes home from playing at Johnny’s house. “Hey Mom, guess what! Johnny’s got a penis like a peanut!”
Mom is understandably confused for a second, then asks, “What, you mean it’s shaped like a peanut?”
“No silly, it’s salty!”
Felines
Why are felines the best ever animals?
Because they’re purrrrrrrfect and grrrrrreat!
Little johnny’s gift
On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is – it’s some flowers!” “That’s right!” shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. “I bet I know what it is – it’s a box of candy!” “That’s right!” shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son, little johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.
“Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” little johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
“Is it champagne?” she asked. “No,” he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, “I give up. What is it?”
Little johnny replied, “A puppy!”
State
(Q) what has 4 eyes but can not see?
(A) Mississippi
And Who Are These for, Little Boy?
Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine, one is four. The
nine-year-old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the
register for checkout. The cashier asks, “Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?”
The nine-year-old replies, “Nope, not for my mom.” Without thinking, the
cashier responded, “Well, they must be for your sister then?” The nine-year-old
responded, “Nope, not for my sister either.”
The cashier had now become curious. “Oh. Not for your mom and not for your
sister — then who are they for?”
The nine-year old say, “They’re for my four-year-old little brother.” The
cashier is surprised: “Your four year-old-brother?”
The nine-year-old explains: “Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of
these, you can swim or ride a bike — and my little brother can’t do either of
those things.”
Spelling & grammar
The teacher decided to give the class a pop quiz on this week’s spelling words.
“Now, class, you are to spell the words, then use them in a sentence,” explains the teacher.
“The three words are hotel, stigma, and homosexual.”
So Little Johnny stands up and says, “OK, Teach, I’ll give it a shot. First word, H-O-T-E-L. The president asked Monica to keep their affair under wraps, but Linda Tripp made the ho tel.”
Teacher says, “Uh, that’s not the correct way to use that word, try another one.”
Little Johnny says, “Alright teach, S-T-I-G-M-A. The president said to Monica, “I want you to stig ma cigar in you know what.”
Teacher says, “Now, Johnny. You spelled the word right, but didn’t use it correctly!”
“OK, teach, how ’bout this? H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L. The president asked Monica not to wear any panties because he thought it made the ho mo sexual!”
Submitted by admin
Edited by yisman
Tons of Q & A for Kids!
Q: What’s red and goes up and down?
A: A tomato in an elevator.
Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue?
A: We have to stick together.
Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster?
A: Hello, hello.
Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldoser.
Q: When is a baseball player like a thief?
A: When he steals a base.
Q: What did the can say to the can opener?
A: You make me flip my lid.
Q: What is a volcano?
A: A mountain with the hiccups.
Q: What do you find at the end of everything?
A: The letter “g”.
Q: What did the elephant do when he hurt his toe?
A: He called a toe truck.
Q: Why do two skunks argue?
A: Because they like to kick up a stink.
Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier?
A: You can count on me.
Q: What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
A: Put them in a barking lot.
Q: Why did the cat sleep with a fan on?
A: He wanted to be a cool cat.
Q: What did the painter say to the wall?
A: One more crack and I’ll plaster you.
Q: Why is baseball like a cake?
A: They both need batters.
Q: What did one dandelion say to the other dandelion?
A: Take me to your weeder.
Q: What kind of shoes do you make with banana skins?
A: Slippers!
Q: What did the rug say to the floor?
A: I’ve got you covered!
Q: How do you make antifreeze?
A: You steal her blanket.
Q: Why does a cow wear a bell?
A: Because her horns don’t work.
Greatest hitter
A little boy was overheard talking to himself as he strutted through the backyard, wearing his baseball cap and toting a ball and bat. “I’m the greatest hitter in the world,” he
announced.
Then, he tossed the ball into the air, swung at it, and missed.
“Strike One!” he yelled. Undaunted, he picked up the ball and said again, “I’m the greatest hitter in the world!”
He tossed the ball into the air. When it came down he swung again and missed. “Strike Two!” he cried.
The boy then paused a moment to examine his bat and ball carefully. He spit on his hands and rubbed them together. He straightened his cap and said once more, “I’m the greatest
hitter in the world!”
Again he tossed the ball up in the air and swung at it. He missed. “Strike Three!”
“Wow!” he exclaimed. “I’m also the greatest pitcher in the world!”
When is a Car not a Car???
When is a car not a car?
When it turns into a garage!