Little Johnny sat playing in the garden. When his mother came out to collect him, she saw that he was slowly eating a worm. She turned pale. “No, Johnny! Stop! That’s horrible! You can’t eat worms!” Trying to convince him further, “Now the mother worm is looking all over for her nice baby-worm.””No, she isn’t,” said Johnny.”Why not?””Because I ate her first!”
Category: little johnny
Visit to the butchers
Little Naomi goes to her kosher butchers and asks, �Mummy wants to know how
much is the duck?�
The butcher replies, ��12.�
�OK,� says Naomi, �Could you please send us the bill.�
�I’m sorry,� says the butcher, �but you’ll have to take the whole bird.�
You know?
Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?”
Nick: “What do you think it is, sir?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Nick: “I don’t think I know either, sir!”
Submitted by curtis
Edited by yisman
French Nude Statue
A French woman took her little daughter to the Louvre where they saw a statue of a nude male. “What is that?” asked the child pointing to the penis.
“Nothing, nothing at all, Cherie,” replied the mother.
“I want one,” said the child. The mother tried to focus her daughter’s attention on a more suitable subject, but the little girl persisted. “I want one just like that,” she kept repeating.
At last the mother said, “If you are a good girl and stop thinking about it now, when you grow up, you will have one.”
“And if I’m bad?” asked the little one.
“Then,” answered the mother, “You will have many.”
The Top 13 Signs Your Neighbor Is a Mad Scientist
13> He’s constantly mixing up with chemicals in his garage, but hasn’t offered you any crystal meth.12> None of the other lawns on the block are bubbling.11> His archenemy? Bill Nye, the Science Guy.10> Whenever he starts his lawn mower, he shouts, “It’s alive. ALIVE!”9> Your trash: milk cartons and pizza boxes. His trash: assorted body parts and radioactive waste.8> At the civic association meeting, his recommendation for dealing with cut-through traffic involves nuclear warheads and extortion.7> Most other condo owners don’t get a weekly visit from a liquid nitrogen tank-refilling truck.6> Parts from all the dead pets you’ve buried in the back yard have been assembled into one big monster pet that’s now terrorizing the neighborhood.5> First he shrunk his kids and now he must have aimed the thing at your genitals.4> She does have the best ideas at the neighborhood watch meetings, but they always involve hiring minions.3> Accidentally sent a probe to *your* anus.2> Always muttering something about those fools who laughed at him back at the academy.1> You caught his tomato plant in your yard nibbling on your daughter’s rabbit. [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Jellybean
Why did the jellybean jump off the cliff ?
Because he wanted to be a smarty!
Ballerina
What did the ballerina do when she hurt her foot?
She called the toe truck!
The boss
Kyle and Justin were about to eat with their baby sitter when 6-year-old Kyle said, “You can’t sit in Daddy’s seat!”
“Daddy’s not home,” the baby sitter replied. “Since I’m responsible for you while he’s gone, I can sit here. Today I’m the boss.”
Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, “If you’re the boss, you sit over there in Mommy’s chair!”
Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman
One-Upmanship
A little boy and a little girl, on a beach, are arguing. Little boy says to the little girl, “I have a Nintendo!”
Little girl says, “Oh yeah, well I have a Sega and a Nintendo!”
Little boy says, “So, my dad’s a doctor!”
Little girls says, “My dad’s an astronaut!”
Back and forth they went, each one trying to outdo the other until finally the little boy pulls down his shorts and proclaims, “But I have on of these!!!!” and shows the little girl his penis.
The little girl, not being able to retaliate, gets up and goes home. The next day, the little girl spots the little boy and proudly announces, “My mom said that with one of these (pointing to her’s) I can get as many of those as I want!!!!!!
Money through Congress
One day a boy asked his mother for 100 dollars to buy a toy. She said NO. So
he wrote a letter to GOD asking for a 100 dollars. When the letter got to the
post office they figured that GOD meant the president. So they sent the letter
to the white house. The president read it and just to be nice sent the boy 10
dollars. The boy was very excited for getting the money. He wrote a thank you
letter back to GOD that read: “Thank you GOD for the money. I see that you had
to send the letter through the white house and as usual those thiefing basterds
taxed 90%”
Knock knock… Luke
Knock Knock
Whos there?
Luke
Luke who?
Look through the keyhole and you will find out!
Why
why did the chicken cross the road.
cause he had a death wish.