Category: little johnny

Two five-year-old boys are standing at the potty to pee. One says, “Your thing
doesn’t have any skin on it!”
“I’ve been circumcised.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means they cut the skin off the end.”
“How old were you when it was cut off?”
“My mom said I was two days old.”
“Did it hurt?”
“You bet it hurt, I didn’t walk for a year!”

There were 3 boys named
Zip
cock
and piss
their teacher went out of the classroom. zip cock and piss decided to be silly. zip went up a shelf
cock went in a cubord and piss messed around normally (writing swear words on the blackboard.) teacher came back and a kid ratted where they were, so she said.

Zip down!

Cock out!!

Piss in the corner!!!

Little Johnny comes home from school with a note from his teacher, indicating that Johnny seems to be having some difficulty with the differences between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny’s mother takes him quietly, by the hand, upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door. “First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse”, she said softly

So Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off.

“O.K., now take off my skirt”, and he takes off her skirt.

“Now take off my bra”, which he does.

“And now, Johnny, take off my knickers” Johnny takes her knickers off “Johnny, for the last time……STOP WEARING MY CLOTHES TO SCHOOL!”

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Well, I hope you remember my story when you start getting frustrated.

My three year old son had a lot of problems with potty training; and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at taco bell for a quick lunch in between errands, it was very busy, with a full dining room.

While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny so of course I checked my seven month old daughter and she was clean. Then I realized that Matt had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him and he said no. I kept thinking, oh Lord that child has had an accident and I didn’t have any clothes with me.

Then I said, Matt are you sure you did not have an accident? I just knew that he must have had an accident, cause the smell was getting worse. SOOO, I asked one more time MATT DID YOU HAVE AN ACCIDENT?

This time with a little smirk on his face he jumped up and yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, SEE MOM IT’S JUST GAS!!!!

While 100 people nearly choked to death on their tacos, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down to eat his food as if nothing happened. I was mortified, but some kind elderly people made me feel a lot better, when they came over and thanked me for the best laugh they had ever had.

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes after…..”Da-ad….”

“What?” dad said.

“I’m thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?”

“No, You had your chance. Lights out.”

Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad…..”

“WHAT?” “I’m THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water?”

“I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”

Five minutes later……”Daaaa-aaaad…..”

“WHAT?!”

“When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?”

Submitted by Curtis
edited by calamjo

A do u make a kleenex dance?

Put a little boogie in it!

The kids filed back into class monday morning. they were very excited. their
weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive
salesmanship. little mary led off: “i sold girl scout cookies and i made $30,”
she said proudly, “my sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil
spirit and i credit that approach for my obvious success.” “very good,” said the
teacher. little sally was next: “i sold magazines,” she said, “i made $45 and i
explained to everyone that magazines would keep them abreast of current events.”
“very good, sally,” said the teacher. eventually, it was little johnny’s turn.
little johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash
on the teacher’s desk.”$2,467,” he said. “$2,467!” cried the teacher, “what in
the world was you selling?” “tooth brushes,” said little johnny. “tooth
brushes,” echoed the teacher, “how could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes
to make that much money?” “i found the busiest corner in town,” said little
johnny, “i set up a dip & chip stand. i gave everybody who walked by a sample.
they all said the same thing. “hey, this tastes like s***! ” then i would
say…………..” it is s***. wanna buy a toothbrush?”

Dumbwaiter:

One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child.

The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

“Hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!!”

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying very loudly. 2nd Child: Why are you crying? 1st Child: I came here for blood test. 2nd Child: So? Are you afraid? 1st Child: No. Not that. For the blood test, they cut my finger. At this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished. 1st Child: Why are you crying now? 2nd Child: I have come for my urine test

A lady went to bed and turned out all the lights. Later she awoke and heard
a crash, instantly she died of shock. What kind of house did she live in?

A LIGHTHOUSE!!!

The little boy said, “I just got a brand new Nintendo.” The little girl said, “Oh yea? I just got a brand new PlayStation 2.”

The little boy said, “Oh yea, well I just got a brand new BMX.” The little girl said, “Oh yea, well I just got a brand new 18 speed mountain bike.”

The little boy said, “Oh yea, well my dad just got a brand new Ford Escort.” The little girl said, “Oh yea, well my dad just got a brand new Jaguar.”

Then the little boy unzips his fly and pulls out his thing and said, “Oh yea, well I have one of these and you don’t!”

The little girl then lifts up her dress and says, “Oh yea, well I have one of these, and my mommy says with one of these I can get as many of those as I want.