Category: light bulbs

Q: How many FORTRAN programs does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 1.00000000001

How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

How many Rambo’s does it take to change a light bulb?

None. This time the bulb doesn’t go out.

Q: How many American wrestlers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 5. One to change it 4 to fake it.

Q: How many antelopes does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. They are hardy animals that migrate between tundra and wide open plains and therefore have no need for an artificial light source.

How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?

Five, and you should’ve seen the light bulb! It must have been thiiiiis big.

Q: How many Apple and IBM nuts does it take to change a lightbulb?A: An infinite number: nothing useful gets done while they’re arguing. Finally a disgusted generic computer user (who will use any type that is in front of him) gets up and changes the bulb, elbowing the participants aside. The size of the crowd arguing seems to be a function of time, although whether or not the function is exponential is not known.

Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: An infinitely growing number: One to announce that the bulb burned out. Ten to agree. One to change it, one to post in saying “I got it”, one to post in saying “Yes, but they have shots for it nowadays”, one to post in saying “Our news software hasn’t been working and I missed the original lightbulb joke. Would someone please post it again or email it to me ?”, one to post in quoting everything so far and the words “Me too”, two to turn it into a cascade, another ten to build the cascade into a disk-wasting monster, one to post in with “I don’t get it. Isn’t this the place for FUNNY jokes ?”, one to post in after two months “What’s this lightbulb joke you’re all talking about ?”, one to repost it a month later thinking it’s a new joke, one to post “I didn’t get it. What’s the punchline ?”, one to post “Has anyone got a list of these? I’m starting a list, so please send me all your lightbulb jokes”, and one to cross-post the joke to alt.fan.lightbulbs 6 months later prefixed by “Are we allowed to tell jokes in here ?” and accompanied by all of our old favourites like “How many programmers…? None that’s a hardware problem.”, three to ask, a month later, “What FTP sites are the old lightbulbs archived at ?”, and any number to revive the entire exchange at stochastic intervals of two to six months.

How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him
down off the keg.

Q: How many firemen does it take to change a light bulb?A: Four–one to change the bulb and three to cut a hole in the roof.

Q: How many alt.test readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One postmaster and 100 autoresponder mailbombs.

Q: How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Twelve. Four to form a Parliamentary study committee to decide how to solve the problem, one Francophone to complain that I didn’t translate this joke into French, one Native Canadian to protest that the interests of Native Canadians have been overlooked, one woman from the National Action Committee On the Status Of Women to say that women have been underrepresented in the process, one to go over the border to the Niagara Falls Factory Outlet Mall and buy a new bulb and not pay duty on it on the way back, one to actually screw it in, one to collect taxes on the whole procedure so the government can afford it, one to buy a case of Molson for everybody to drink, and one to drop the puck.