Category: light bulbs

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?A: None, lawyers only screw us.

Q: How many Thatcherites does it take to change a lightbulb?A: None. It’s up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.

Q: How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 10,000 – to give the bulb a cultural revolution.

Q: How many aides does it take to change President Reagan’s light bulb?A: None, they like to keep him in the dark.

Q: How many IKEA shop assistans does it take to change a light bulb?A: “Sorry, we ran out of light bulb stock. We expect it to arrive early next month. We do have ladders though! You just go straight on, then left and then right. No, thanks, anytime.”

How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. I’ll sit in the dark. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me…

Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They all sit in a circle, watching the old macrobiotics, and think beautiful thoughts.

Q: How many NRA members does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Three–One to give up the old bulb when they pry it from his cold dead fingers, one to screw it in and pose for an “I’m the NRA” ad while doing so, and one to complain about the waiting period.

Q: How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?A: Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.

Q: How many rec.humor readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 100-one to announce that it burned out, 10 to agree, 20 to come running in with new light bulbs and screw them in, 9 to screw them in and leave the old bulb in, 10 to ask for a videotape of the screwing, another one to come in a few minutes later and notice the bulb went out again and start the whole process all over again. And one (me!) to notice that this doesn’t actually add up to 100.

Q: How many people does it take to change a lightbulb for Bobby Fischer ?A: Two. One person to put the new one in, and another person to file three millimetres off it first.

1.99934342, but that’s close enough for the average peron.