Category: light bulbs

Q: How many Hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?A: 1 to complain that the lightbulb isn’t working, 5 to hold a meeting to decide what to do about it, 20 to form an expedition to the fabled Lightbulb Mines of Mythrill, 30 to throw a going-away party, 1 to ask Gandalf for directions, 1 to sell into slavery when the directions aren’t stuck to, and they end up in entirely the wrong part of the country, and ready cash runs low, 5 get lost through natural wastage (bandits, murderers, monsters, etc,) 1 to be thrown to the Dragon that guards the Lightbulb hoarde, 1 to be thrown to the dragon to cover the retreat, 2 to carry the box of lightbulbs, 5 to find a large, sword-wielding barbarian to escort them home with the lightbulbs, another 30 to throw a safe-return party, 5 to get rid of the barbarian, who in typical style, got drunk at the party, 5 to find an Elf in the neighbourhood tall enough to change the lightbulb, one elf, and 5 to compose ballads of derring-do, heroism, sacrifice and lightbulbs. A grand total of 118.

Q: How many utilitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.

Q: How many NBC news producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Three, one to drill a hole in the light bulb so it blows up when he turns it on, one to film it, and one to insist on the truth of the report despite the manipulation.

Q: How many Chuck Robbs does it to take to screw in a lightbulb?A: None, Douglas Wilder broke his lamp and Oliver North sold his lightbulb to Iran.

Q: How many emergency room technicians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: One, but the bulb will have to spend 45 minutes in the waiting room.

Q: How many Paul Daniels does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. “And that’s magic !”

Q: How many Penn students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?A: One, but he’ll make sure it’s on his resume.Note: Penn is seen as being a little less academically rigorous than the others, and it’s very preprofessional.

How many “pro-lifers” does it take to change a light
bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was
lit from the moment they began screwing.

Q: How many alt.newbie readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Me! Me too! Me too!

Q: How many Pet Shop Boys does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Two. One to change it and one to sit around looking bored.

Q: How many undertakers does it take to change a light bulb?A: None. They just paint them black and go on using them.

Q: How many Sun readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, but one is enough to screw up the joke.