Category: light bulbs

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?A: Seven. (Indignant nose upturned.) Of course, I wouldn’t expect you to understand.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One, but it takes twelve steps.

Q: How many alt.anagrams readers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Three. One to say it can’t be done because there aren’t enough vowels, one to be clever and change “a lightbulb” into “bull bit hag”, and one to try and sell copies of the “Anagram for Windows” program he wrote.

Q: How many grocery store cashiers does it take to change a light bulb?A: Are you kidding? They won’t even change a five dollar bill.

Q: How many editors does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Only one, but first they have to rewire the entire building.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. They would diagnose depression and prescribe benzo diazapines.

Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Both of them.

Q: How many members of Marillion does it take to change a light-bulb?”A: Well, I thought it was going to be something to do with Fish (as in the ubiquitous surrealists joke,) but in fact the answer was only 2, but first they had to figure out how Genesis would have done it. Apparently this would be hilarious to fans of these groups, who believe Marillion to be Genesis copycats.

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They have a machine that does that now.

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can’t see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection. Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted, and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.

Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Three. One to stand on the ladder, and two to carry enough light bulbs until one is found that isn’t defective.

How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

3. One to screw it in, and the other two to throw feces at each
other.