Category: light bulbs

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb?A: At the present point in time it is against policy and the best interests of military strategy to divulge information of such a statistical nature. Next question, please.

Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: What lightbulb?

Q: What do a Soviet emigre and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?A: Neither one is very bright.

Q: How many Union Electricians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Seventeen – One to give the bulb to the screw-inner. One to screw in the bulb. One to hold him on the step ladder. Four to hold the step ladder steady. One to flick the switch to test the bulb. One to make sure that the other bulbs in the room will need fixing. One to supervise. Two to take a coffee break, one to eat lunch, and one to nap. One to plot the best way of breaking into the apartment at night. One to drink gin n tonics with the yuppies.

How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That’s proprietary information. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

Q: How many tenors does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Three – One to do it and two to stand there and tell each other how they could have done it better.

Q: How many Serbs does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Two–one to shoot the old bulb out and one to screw the new one in.

How many alt.conspiracy readers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to do it, one to insist that the CIA was responsible for
the
old bulb burning out, one to blame it on the Illuminati, one to
blame
the TLC/CFR/Bilderberg group, Steve Crocker to say that Lyndon
LaRouche predicted the bulb would someday burn out whereas the
British-dominated establishment was telling us the bulbs would
never need to be replaced, Ted Frank to tell everyone they’re
full of it,
and several other people to insist that Ted is a member of the
CFR.

Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.

Q: How many people on Get Stuffed does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Four. Two to trot merrily down to the shops to buy a new one, of whom person 1 then rips it unceremoniously out of its packaging and person 2 starts to do the changing, and the 2 “Mystery Chefs” to interrupt and tell us he’s doing it all wrong.

Q: How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Sod it, we’re all gonna die anyway.

Q: How many Mensans does it take to change a light bulb?A: 66. Eleven philosophers to ponder whether it is possible to actually do anything; ten semanticists to debate the various possible meanings of each phrase, word, and syllable; nine columnists to write about it from radically different viewpoints; eight letter writers to respond vehemently with opposing points of view; seven Quibblers who delight in pointing out others’ mistakes (what is said is not as important as saying it correctly); six conservatives who believe things should stay the way they are; five liberals who believe that action should be taken immediately to form a committee to study possible actions; four ornery SOBs who disagree on principal with anything anyone else has suggested; three peacemakers who believe it’s more important to work it out without showing any more emotions than necessary to get it done; two statisticians who maintain that numbers are more important than facts; and one pragmatist to ignore the bureaucratic piles of paperwork and replace the bad bulb with a good one. Whilst all this is going on, all the Mensans are keeping count in their heads just to make absolutely sure what it really does add up to 66.