Category: light bulbs

What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q: How many Technical Support staff does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: “Well, we have an exact copy of your light bulb here and it seems to be working OK. Can you be more specific about the exact problem ?…”

How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about
how good the old light bulb was.

HOW MANY MOTHS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?

ANSWER:
ONLY 2(THINK ABOUT IT)

Q: How many Asians does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Three. One to change it and two to go to the cash & carry.

Q: How many Internet mailing list subscribers does it take to
change a light bulb?

A: 1,331:

1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the
light bulb has been changed

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how
the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing
light bulbs.

53 to flame the spell checkers

156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the
light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail
list.

41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.

109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to
please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb

203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling
and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.

111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all
use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this
mail list.

306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior,
where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs
work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.

27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light
bulbs

14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post
corrected URLs.

3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant
to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.

33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including
all headers and footers, and then add “Me Too.”

12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they
cannot handle the light bulb controversy.

19 to quote the “Me Too’s” to say, “Me Three.”

4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.

1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.

47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant
for, leave it here.

143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

Q: How many armies does it take to change a lightbulb?A: At least five. The Germans to start it, the French to give up really easily after only trying for a little while, the Italians to make a start, get nowhere, and then try again from the other side, the Americans to turn up late and finish it off and take all the credit, and the Swiss to pretend nothing out of the ordinary is happening.

Q: How many terrorists does it take to change a light bulb?A: Twenty – one to do it and nineteen to develop a distraction.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

Golden Retriever: The day is young, the weather is warm, the air
is deliciously fresh, and we can run and play, and you’re
sitting in here worried about a stupid light bulb?

Basset Hound: No matter. I can still sleep in the dark.

French Poodle: Let ze Americans get it, mon cherie.

Dachsund: You’ve got to be kidding me, right?

Jack Russel Terier: I know I can get it! Please just give me a
few more jumps! I can get it in 20 more jumps! I know I can!

Pointer: I see the light bulb, riiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhtttttttt
there!

Greyhound: I can get a replacement light faster than the rest of
you!

Bichon Frise: I am with ze French poodle, let thoze Americans
get it.

Cocker Spaniel: Why bother changing it? I can still pee on the
carpet if it’s dark.

Border Collie: Just one. Plus, I’ll replace any wiring not up to
code.

German Shepherd: I’ll guard the light bulb while you figure it
out. Hey you, back off!

Toy Poodle: I’ll just blow in the border collie’s ear and he’ll
do it. By the time the house is rewired, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: Are you gonna make ME change that light bulb? You
and what army, huh?

Shi-Tzu: Puh-leeeeeze dah-ling, leave it for the servants.

Malamute: The border collie can do it. While he’s busy, you can
feed me.

Chow Chow: I’m with the malamute After I take my nap, that is.

Akita: I’m with the chow and the malamute! What’s for dinner?

Lab: ME! ME! I want to do it! Pick me! Please? Pleeeeeeeeaze let
me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Kelpie: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. And drop the chalupa while
you’re at it.

Wolf: My distant cousin the border collie can do it. Meanwhile,
the moon provides us with all the light we need.

Q: How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: Nurse!

Q: How many humans does it take to change a light bulb?A: Not sure; I only know it takes only one to press the button which obliterates them all. The problem is estimating how many thousand years will be required to rediscover the technology to manufacture more and replace them.