Category: light bulbs

Q: How many Polish-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: 170. One to send the Never Fail Novena to the Cheektowaga Times for publication so St. Jude may grant the lightbulb request, one to say the Last Rites for the old lightbulb, ten volunteer firemen to break into the house and smash the old light bulb to bits, fifty to protest the abortion of the old lightbulb, ten to organize a lawn fete and spaghetti dinner at Our Most Holy Precious Blood of the Seventeen Martyred Saints R.C. Church to raise funds to buy a new light bulb (and the Monsignor a new pair of bowling shoes as a gift on St. Stanislaus Day), twenty from Chiavettas Catering to serve the food, twenty to run the Monte Carlo gambling tent, fifty to run everything else, one to go to Koplinskis Appliances to buy the light bulb, one to screw it in, five to say the Rosary as the bulb is being screwed in, and the Monsignor to bless it.

Q: How many movie actresses does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One, but you should’ve seen the line outside the producer’s hotel room.

Q: How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?A: You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you’ll have all the light you need.

Q: How many chickens does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None. They’re all far too busy crossing the road.

How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?

One, but he’ll swear up and down that it was just as easy for him as it would have been for a Macintosh user.

Q: How many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: 250,000,000, one to change it and 249,999,999 to debate whether it it was politically correct.

How many Columbine kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to move the bodies out of the way and one to screw it!

Q: How many Timothy McVeigh’s does it take to change a light bulb?A: Only one, but first you have to strip the insulation off of the electrical cord, wrap it around his legs a couple of times, then plug it in. If Mr. McVeigh is holding the light bulb at this time, it should glow quite nicely.

Q: How many post-doctoral fellows does it take to change a lightbulb?A: One, but it’ll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.

Q: How many orthopedic surgeons does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Why don’t you just let us take out the socket ? You aren’t using it anyway, and it will only cause you trouble later.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It’s a hardware problem.

Q: How many Columbia students does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Seventy six-one to change the lightbulb, fifty to protest the lightbulb’s right not to change and twenty five to hold a counter protest.Note : Columbia was the most politically active of the ivies back in the 1960s.