Category: light bulbs

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Four. One to remove the bulb from the socket and take it away without checking whether or not there was actually anything wrong with it, one to accuse its owners of mistreating it, one to find somewhere else to screw it in for the next 6 months, and one to eventually bring it back and say it was all done with the lightbulb’s best interests at heart.

Q: How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?A: One; he designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one and screw itself in.

Q: How many Victorians does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: [Ahem] We do not discuss this with ladies and children present.

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?A: Both of them.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: It’s hard to say. Each time we separate the bulb into its modules to do unit testing, it stops working.

Q: How many VMS heads does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: “Errr… Well, I’ve got a patch that I could apply to it, but if you can just wait till next year, it’ll all be fixed when we upgrade to lightbulb version 6.1…”

Q: How many people at a chess tournament does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: Nine. One to complain about the lighting levels, one to say he thinks the lighting is OK, one to suggest someone calls the arbiter, one to go and call the arbiter, one to reminisce about lighting levels at the 1947 tournament at Hastings, one to complain about the disturbance the others are causing, both arbiters, and one to say he thought the lighting was better before they changed the lightbulb.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.

Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Eight: one to work the bulb and seven to make sure Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?A: Three. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.

How many US Vice-Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but it has to be a pretty dim bulb.

Q: How many chess grandmasters does it take to change a lightbulb ?A: None. They are too “Short”.