Category: lawyers

Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve 10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden. 9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote. 8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him. 7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone. And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve… 1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, “I can do better than that!”

Drunken Billy was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client.”Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury,” concluded the lawyer, “you’ve looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?” He was acquitted.

A priest settled into a chair in a lawyer’s office. “Is it true,” said the Priest, “that your firm does not charge members of the clergy?” “I’m afraid you’re misinformed,” stated the lawyer, “People in your profession can look forward to a reward in the next world, but we lawyers have to take ours in this one.”

Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men into a fight and runs off
with their clothes.

QUESTION : what did oj simpson say after he was found not guilty

“CAN I HAVE MY GLOVES BACK NOW?”

A man died and was taken to his place of eternal torment by the devil.

As he passed sulfurous pits and shrieking sinners, he saw a man he recognized as a lawyer making love to a beautiful woman.

“That’s not fair,” he complained. “I face torment for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it making love to a beautiful woman.”

“Shut up!” barked the devil, jabbing the man with his pitchfork. “Who are you to question her punishment?”

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci

It had promised to be a sensational divorce case, with the wife accused of incredible escapades. Testifying before her own attorney, she projected an image of sweet innocence, told a tale of wifely fidelity and sacrifice, and was quite believable.

When it was time for cross-examination though, the husband’s lawyer arose and said, “Isn’t it true that on the night of June 12, in a driving rainstorm, you had sexual intercourse with a certain circus midget on the handle bars of a careening motorcycle as it raced across a private golf course reaching speeds in excess of seventy-five miles per hour?”

She turned pale but retained her remarkable self-control and composure.

Her voice was almost serene in its innocence as she asked, “What was that date again ?”

The terrorists have siezed the “Attorney Building” along with everyone in it.

They are demanding $10 Million.

But the negotiations break down as the deadline appears. The terrorists announce to the Police,
“In case you think we’re not serious, if our demands aren’t met, we’re going to start releasing the lawyers, one at a time.”

A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce.
The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says,
“Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce.”

“Because,” the man says, “I live in a two-story house.”

The Judge replies, “What kind of a reason is that! What’s the big deal about a two-story house?”

The man answers, “Well Judge, one story is…**I have a headache** and the other story is **It’s that time of the month!** “

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven’s gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven.

St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him.
St. Peter says, “I don’t know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out,” and he leaves.

The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. “What if it doesn’t work out?” they wonder, “Are we stuck together forever?”

St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. “Yes,” he informs the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”

“Great,” says the couple, “but what if things don’t work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground!

“What’s wrong?” exclaims the frightened couple.

“Come on!” St. Peter exclaims, “It took me three months to find a priest up here!

Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take for me to find a lawyer!?”

What Did A Lawyer Name His Daughter?
Sue!!

A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess”. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”The boy said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”