Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
Category: lawyers
The Top 15 Law Firms to Avoid (Part I)
15> Folsom, Leavenworth & Joliet 14> Woalike, Lawzerlike, Hardenstuf 13> Sneezy, Sleepy, Doc & Associates 12> Showe, Meida, Mohney 11> Lee, Thulin, Jeck, Shunn 10> M. B. Lance Chaser, P.A. 9> Hucster, Connman & Griftur 8> Benden, Spreddemin, Priszinn 7> Azseen, Ahnteevee & Associates 6> laW-Mart 5> Hal, Burton, Arthur, Anderson & Ron 4> Levin, Laveida, Lowka 3> Liva, Fahva & Kiyanti 2> Pompas, Sacov, Lye & Shitt 1> Skruda, Witt, Ness & Gottis-Bard [ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ] [ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
Prison Cell Graffiti
For a good time, hire a hooker,
For a lot of time, hire my attorney.
–Anonymous Prison Cell Graffiti
Heart transplant
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor.
The doctor said, “We have three possible donors; tell me which one you want to use. One is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died in his private plane. The third is an attorney who just died after practicing law for 30 years.”
“I’ll take the lawyer’s heart,” said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did.
“It was easy,” the patient replied. “I wanted a heart that hadn’t been used.”
Did he kill you?
Attorney: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify
me.”
Attorney: Did he kill you?
St. Peter
Following a distinguished legal career, a man arrived at the Gates of Heaven, accompanied by the Pope, who had the misfortune to expire on the same day. The Pope was greeted first by St. Peter, who escorted him to his quarters.
The room was somewhat shabby and small, similar to that found in a low grade Motel 6 type establishment.
The lawyer was then taken to his room, which was a palatial suite including a private swimming pool, a garden, and a terrace overlooking the Gates. The attorney was somewhat taken aback, and told St. Peter, “I’m really quite surprised at these rooms, seeing as how the Pope was given such small accommodations.”
St. Peter replied, “We have over a hundred Popes here, and we’re really very bored with them. We’ve never had a lawyer.”
Terrorists
“Terrorists abduct bus load of attorneys.”
Note from terrorists:
“Unless you meet our demands, we will release one hostage a day!”
Telling the truth
One juror overheard saying to another. . . You’ll notice that neither the prosecutor nor defense attorney swore to tell the truth!
When you know you must really be drunk
A man sat down at a bar, looked into his shirt pocket and ordered a double scotch.A few minutes later, the man again peeked into his pocket and ordered another double. This routine was followed for some time, until after looking into his pocket, the man told the bartender he�d had enough.The bartender said, “I�ve got to ask you. What�s with the pocket business?””Oh,” said the man, “I have my lawyer�s picture in here, and when he starts to look honest, I know I�ve had enough.”
When Do You Need a New Lawyer?
1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
2. He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five
each other.
4. He asks a hostile witness to “pull my finger.”
5. He places a large “No Refunds” sign on the defense table.
6. He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said …”
7. He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla vs. Mothra.
8. Just before trial starts he whispers, “The judge is the one
with the little hammer, right?”
9. Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little
quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
10. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge,
“Whatever.”
Dirty taste…
Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia.
Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him.
The startled front tiger turned and said, “Cut it out.” The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward.
About five minutes later, it happened again.
The front tiger turned, growling, “I said stop it.” The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued.
Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue.
The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, “What is it with you?”
The rear tiger replied, “I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to offend you. But I just ate a lawyer and I’m trying to get the taste out of my mouth!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Your Money Is No Good Here!
A priest walks into a barber shop, and asks for a hair cut. When the
barber was finished, the priest offered the man some money, but the barber
said, “No, you’re a man of God, you serve the Lord, your money is no good
here.” The next day, he found a Bible and a gold rosery on the front
steps of the shop.
A day later, a cop walks into a barber shop, and asks for a hair cut.
When the barber was finished, the cop offered the man some money, but the
barber said, “No, you’re a man of the law, you protect people, your
money is no good here.” The next day, he found a box of donuts on the
front steps of the shop.
A day later, a lawyer walks into a barber shop, and asks for a hair cut.
When the barber was finished, the lawyer offered the man some money, but
the barber said, “No, you’re a man of the government, you help people in
trouble, your money is no good here.” The next day, he found twelve more
lawyers on the front steps of the shop.