Advice From A Lawyer Is Worth….

George and Lenny decide to cross North America in a hot air balloon. However,
neither were particularly experienced balloonists, and Lenny’s mind quickly
drifted from navigation to thoughts of how clouds look like cuddly little bunny
rabbits. Upon realizing that they were lost, George declared, “Lenny — we are
going to have to lose some altitude so we can figure out where we are.”

George lets some hot air out of the balloon, which slowly descended below the
clouds, but he still couldn’t tell where they were. Far below, they could see a
man on the ground. George lowered the balloon, to ask the man their location.

When they were low enough, George called down to the man, “Hey, can you tell
us where we are?” The man on the ground yelled back, “You’re in a balloon, about
100 feet up in the air.”

George called down to the man, “You must be a lawyer.” “Gee, George,” Lenny
replied, “How can you tell?” George answered, “Because the advice he gave us is
100% accurate, and is completely useless”.
The man called back up to the balloon, “You must be a client.” George yelled
back, “Why do you say that?” “Well,” the man replied, “you don’t know where you
are, or where you are going. You got into your predicament through a lack of
planning, and could have avoided it by asking for help before you acted. You
expect me to provide an instant remedy. The fact is you are in the exact same
position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.”

Show me the money

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job.

As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job.

Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and justice.

When it was her turn, Sally simply opened her purse, took out a rather thin wallet and laid it on the senior partner’s desk.

“I want to fatten it up as fast as possible” she said.

Sally got the job

Okay

The devil came to a young lawyer and said, “I’ll make you a partner in your
firm if you give me your soul, your wife’s soul, and the souls of each of your
three kids, and you agree to sell every one of your clients down the river.”
“Okay”, said the lawyer, “but what’s the catch?”

The Old Man’s Dying Wish

An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his
lawyer. “I want to become a lawyer. How much is the express degree you
told me about?”

“It’s $50,000,” the lawyer said. “But why? You’ll be dead soon, why do you
want to become a lawyer?”

“That’s my business! Get me the course!”

Four days later, the old man got his law degree. His lawyer was at his
bedside, making sure his bill would be paid.

Suddenly the old man was racked with fits of coughing and it was clear
that this would be the end. Still curious, the lawyer leaned over and
said, “Please, before it’s too late, tell me why you wanted to get a law
degree so badly before you died?”

In a faint whisper, as he struggled to breathe his last breath, the old
man said, “One… less… lawyer…”

Liar

One day a plane filled with lawyers crashed down into a feild. The next
day the police came to investigate the accident. They saw the farmer that
owned the feild. “Where are all the lawyers?” the police asked him. “I
buried them.” he replied. “They were all dead?!” this shocked the police.
To this the farmer replied, “Well, some of them said they weren’t but you
know how lawyers lie!”

Dogs better than Men

How Dogs Are Better Than Men1. Dogs don’t have problems expressing affection in public.2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.3. Dogs feel guilty when they’ve done something wrong.4. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.6. Dogs do not play games with you, except fetch (and they never laugh at how you throw).7. You can train a dog.8. Dogs are easy to buy for.9. Dogs understand the word “no”.10. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.

Lawyer’s Question

A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, “Have you ever been married?””Yes, sir,” said the witness in a low voice.”Once.””Whom did you marry?””Well, a woman.”The lawyer said angrily, “Of course you married a woman. Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man?”And the witness said meekly, “My sister did.”

Are you talking to me?

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”