Dads a Lawyer

While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted.

“My name is Joshua. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

“Adam,” replied the second.

“My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Joshua.

Adam proudly replied, “My daddy is a lawyer.”

“Honest?” asked Joshua.

“No, just the regular kind,” replied Adam.

Submitted by Calamjo

The Brass Rat

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After
awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter.
The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and
$1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, “Thanks, but I’ll
just pay the $10 and pass on the story.” He purchased the brass
rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he
started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he
walked–the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and
still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to
walk out into the water, which he did–and all the rats drowned.
He returned to the store shortly and when he walked in, the
proprietor said, “Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the
story, right?” “No,” replied the man, “I came back to see if you
have any brass lawyers!”

Two In One Grave?

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

“Of course not, dear,” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”

“The tombstone back there said…
‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'”

Lawyer’s Dog

A lawyer’s dog, running about unleashed, b-lines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter. The butcher goes to the lawyer’s office and asks, “if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog’s owner?””Absolutely,” the lawyer responded. The butcher immediately shot back, “Good! You owe me $7.99 for the roast your dog stole from me this morning.”The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $7.99. A few days later, the butcher, browsing through his mail, finds an envelope from the lawyer.The contents read “Consultation: $25.00.”

THE YOUNG ATTORNEY ON VACATION

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at
this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the
innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his
suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with
an infant on her lap!
“Helen, why didn’t you write when you learned you were pregnant?” he cried. “I
would have rushed up here, we could have gotten married, and the baby would have
my name!”
“Well,” she said, “when my folks found out about my condition, we sat up all
night talking’ and talking’ and decided it would be better to have a bastard in
the family than a lawyer.”

Lawyers Grave

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?” “Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?” “The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.”

Our Justice System

Judge Michael Walker, October 1997 To a 14 yr. old girl defendant in a rape case. If your going to sulk like a baby we are not going to get very farJudge William Crawford, March 1997 I know people with duodenal ulcers who work like niggersJudge Raymond Dean, 1990 (My personal favourite) In a rape trial when a woman says no, she doesnt neserceraly mean itJudge Ian Starforth Hill Of an 8yr old girl who had been sexually assaulted not entirely an angel herselfJudge Michael Addison A defendants crime was not of the more serious type because he knew his victimJudge John Prosser Order �500 compensation to a 15yr old rape victim saying that it should be spent on a good holiday to get over the traumaHis Hounour Major Michael Argyle You come from Derby, my part of the country, off you go and dont come before my court again. (Huh is that Legal???)Judge Harrol Cassel Sentenced a man to 2yrs probation for sexually assaulting his 12yr old stepdaughter because his wifes pregnancy had caused a lack of sexual appetite in the lady and considerable problems for a healthy young husbandJudge Justice Leonard Claimed that the trauma of Ealing Vicarage victim, virgin Jill Saward was not so very greatJudge Arthur Myerson Gave a rapist a 3yr sentence. The defendant had used a condom during the rape which Mr Myerson said showed concern for his victim???Mr Justice Rougier Described a rape victim as over emotional after her former lover raped her. He sentenced the man to 2yrs and said : I dont think it was such a shock to her as it may be to other women.