Category: lawyers

After their car broke down on a lonely country road, three men sought a
night’s shelter at a farmhouse. The farmer, poor but eager to help them, said
that he only had two beds so one of the three would have to sleep in the barn.

Immediately, one of the travelers, a polite Hindu mathematician, agreed and
left for the barn. A short while later he returned and apologetically explained
that there were cows in the barn and for religious reasons he could not sleep
there.

Another of the guests, a conservative rabbi, volunteered, picked up
his bedding and left for the barn. It wasn’t long before he returned complaining
that the pig in the barn made it impossible for him to sleep there.

The last of the stranded trio, a lawyer, sighed and grudgingly picked up his
bag and shuffled off to the barn.

Soon, there was another knock at the door. When the farmer answered it, there
were the cows and the pig.

A lawyer is bombing along the moterwat in his brand new Ferarri F50. All of a sudden he loses control of the vehicle and drives onto the wrong side of the road. He has a head-on collision with a lorry. A passer-by saw the accident and phoned for an ambulance. The lawyers car was smashed up. When the paramedics arrived they found the lawyer through the windshield. The lawyer was screaming,”oh no! My car,my car!” The paramedic replied,” I don’t think you should worried about your car sir, your arm has come clean of.”
The lawyer shouted,”oh no my Rolex, my Rolex!”

What does a lawyer have in common with a spermatozoa?They both have about one chance in a million of becoming a human being.

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only 3. All the rest are true stories!

A junior partner in a firm was sent to a far-away state to represent a
long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the
client acquitted and released. Excited about his success, the attorney
telegraphed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”
The senior partner replied in haste: “Appeal immediately.”

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy.” One little boy stands up and offers that, “If my best friend who lives next door is playing in the street when a car came by and killed him, that would be a tragedy.””No,” Clinton says, “That would be an ACCIDENT.”A girl raises her hand. “If a school bus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone inside…that would be a tragedy.””I’m afraid not,” explains Clinton. “That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS.”The room is silent; none of the other children dare volunteer.”What?” asks Clinton, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?”Finally a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: “If an airplane carrying Bill and Hillary Clinton was blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy.””Wonderful!” Clinton beams. “Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?””Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!”

Three morticians were having a few drinks one night and started discussing their hardest cases. The first said I believe I had the hardest. I had a young man that ran into a tree, it took a week before I could show him.The second smiled, “That’s nothing” he said. I had this couple that hit a train. It took two weeks before I could show them.The third grinned and said “You two didn’t have anything, I had a woman who jumped off a ten story building. She landed on a fire hydrant. It took me three weeks to get the smile off her face.

In questioning potential jurors for an upcoming trial the Judge inquired,
“Is there any reason why any of you cannot see this trial through to its
conclusion?” A lone juror spoke up, “I can’t!” stated the woman, “Why, just
looking at the woman I’m convinced she’s guilty!” “Madam,” said the Judge,
“that’s the prosecutor.”

Mother:”How is your history paper coming along, dear?”Daughter:”Well, my history professor suggested that I use theInternet for research and it’s been very helpful.Mother:”Really?”Daughter:”Yes, and so far I’ve located 17 people who sell them!”

An investment counsellor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realised she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.”As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward.”Mr. Peterson, are you an *honest* lawyer?””Honest?” replied the job prospect.”Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.””Impressive….. And what sort of case was that?”The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”

For a good time, hire a hooker,For a lot of time, hire my attorney.–Anonymous Prison Cell Graffiti

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

“My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy.

“Tommy,” replied the second.

“My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy.

Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.”

“Honest?” asked Billy.

“No, just the regular kind,” replied Tommy.

Submitted by calamjo
Edited by Yisman