Category: jokes for nerds

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Update your files accordingly.]

A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, “But why?” he asked.”Nothin, I just wanna quit that’s all,” she said sullenly.”Look, I’ll give you a raise.””No,” she said.”You can’t just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me.””Okay if you must know…” said the girl, and she took off her underwear and pointed to her pubic hair, “Look I haven’t had this before, it’s the broom’s bristles, I tell you…”Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, “Ha ha…my dear it’s nature. Look I have it too….” “Oh no!” the girl cried, “I can’t wait two weeks, I quit now! Not only do you have the bristles, but you’ve grown the handle as well.”

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 1999 by Chris White ]

14> Routinely outsmarted by cheese

13> Three experts short of an antitrust suit

12> Three-time Darwin Award winner

11> Keeps her brain in mint condition

10> A few planets short of a federation

9> Backstreet Boy in a Talking Heads world

8> Duh! on parade

7> Still cutting with rounded scissors

6> He’s a T-1 line of pure stupid

5> At least one Brady short of a Bunch

4> Sharp as a donut

3> Has a vacancy at the Grey Matter Motel

2> T minus dumb and counting

1> “Good afternoon, Boulder Homicide”82

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, “Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. We’ve been in a terrible accident, and my wife has been seriously hurt. Can I please use your phone?”

“I’m sorry,” replied the hunchback, “but we don’t have a phone. My master is a doctor; come in and I will get him!”

Bob brings his wife in. An elegant man comes down the stairs. “I’m afraid my assistant may have misled you. I am not a medical doctor; I am a scientist. However, it is many miles to the nearest clinic, and I have had a basic medical training. I will see what I can do. Igor, bring them down to the laboratory.”

With that, Igor picks up Betty and carries her downstairs, with Bob following closely. Igor places Betty on a table in the lab. Bob collapses from exhaustion and his own injuries, so Igor places Bob on an adjoining table. After a brief examination, Igor’s master looks worried.

“Things are serious, Igor. Prepare a transfusion.” Igor and his master work feverishly, but to no avail. Bob and Betty Hill are no more.

The Hills’ deaths upset Igor’s master greatly. Wearily, he climbs the steps to his conservatory, which houses his grand piano. For it is here that he has always found solace. He begins to play, and a stirring, almost haunting, melody fills the house.

Meanwhile, Igor is still in the lab tidying up. His eyes catch movement, and he notices the fingers on Betty’s hand twitch, keeping time to the haunting piano music. Stunned, he watches as Bob’s arm begins to rise, marking the beat! He is further amazed as Betty sits straight up! Unable to contain himself, he dashes up the stairs to the conservatory. He bursts in and shouts to his master: “Master, Master! The Hills are alive with the sound of music!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

BLOKE RINGS INDIAN TAKEAWAY FOR CURRY
DO U DELIVER ???
NO WE ONLY DO CHICKEN BEEF AND PORK SIR !

WHY ARE ALL THE NUMBERS SCARED OF 7?

BECAUSE 7 8 9

Once upon a time there were two men who had gone cliff climbing.
Suddenly, one man lost his footing and went tumbling down to the bottom. The other man frantically screamed, “Roger!”, and was relieved to hear a faint reply.

“Okay Rodge,” shouted Barry, “I’m gonna throw a rope down to you, so wrap it ’round one of your legs and..” but before he could finish, he heard Roger call “But both my legs are broke.”

Barry suggested his arms, to which the reply was “They’re broken too!” So finally, Roger held on with his mouth. Barry struggled to pull up the rope, and when he was nearly there, Barry said, “You right there mate?” to which Rodger replied,”YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS……..”

THERE ONCE WAS THIS BOY AROUND 10 OR TWELVE YEARS OLD. HIS NAME WAS STEVEN.HE HAD TWO SPANISH FRIENDS ONE FAT AND ONE SKINNY. THEY WERE ALL GAY TOGETHER. THEY WERE SO STUPID. THEY REALLY SUCKED BUT ONE DAY THE FATT ASS FOUND A BAG OF MONEY ON THA GROUND.THEY PICKED IT UP AND PAYED 3 MALE STRIPPERS TO COME STRIP IN FRONT OF THEM.

1.How come stores open 24-7 have a lock?
2.How can bulls hate the color red if their color blind?

A woman with a baby walked into a doctor’s office. She asked if they could weigh the baby. A nurse said that the baby scale was not working that day, but what they could do is weigh the mother while she was holding the baby, and then weigh the mother by herself, and subtract. The woman thought about this for a minute. “It wouldn’t work,” she said, after a while, “I’m not the mother; I’m the grandmother.”

A man is walking along the road, when he hears someone shouting “Twelve! Twelve!” over a fence.

As he walks closer to the fence, they start shouting “Thirteen! Thirteen!”

Curious, the man looks through a gap in the fence. Suddenly he’s poked in the eye by a man on the other side, and as he lies there, clutching his head, the man hears “Fourteen! Fourteen!”

Truth and Simplicity are inversely related