Category: jokes for nerds

Ode To Spell Checker

Eye halve a spelling checker
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marks four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My checker tolled me sew.

“The Megabrontothaurus Maximus was so large, it’s shadow alone weighed
500 pounds”

from “Science Made Stupid”
by Tom Weller,
Published by Houghton Mifflin company

your family so poor that they have a milk carton for a house and when you stick the key in to open the door you stab everybody.

there were 3 guys in the woods.1 was smart,1 was good with guns,and the other was an idiot.so the smart one went out with a gun and came back out with a deer.so the dumb one said howed u get it, howed u get it,howed u get it.so he says follow the tracks, follow the tracks,follow the tracks deer ,BOOM.so the gunman did the same thing but came back with a bear.so the dumb guy said howed u get it, howed u get it,howed u get it,so the gunman said follow the tracks, follow the tracks,follow the tracks bear,boom.so the dumb guy went out and came back with brokin bones all over,blood all on him,so the two guys said howed u do it, howed u do it,howed u do it.so he said follow the tracks, follow the tracks,follow the tracks train,boom

An abulance driver was driving through a street when he notices a small boy chasing him. He turned the corner the boy was still there so he decided to slow down and see what the boy wanted….He asked the boy if he was alright and the boy reply one ice cream please

My friend is so stupid: He sent me a fax with a stamp on it. He thought a quarterback was a refund. He tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order. He thought General Motors was in the army. He thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. He tripped over a cordless phone. Wrote “Taurus” where it said “sign here.” He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer. The player said, ‘When I get bad cards, it’s not the dealer’s fault. Accordingly, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously had nothing to do with it so, why should I tip him?’ The dealer said, ‘When you eat out do you tip the waiter?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Well then, he serves you food, I’m serving you cards so you should tip me.’ ‘Okay, but, the waiter gives me what I ask for. I’ll take an eight.’

Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry
is the study of carbon compounds that crawl.

– Mike Adams

Two women were walking down the street. A man comes up to them and asks, “Are you two sisters?” One of them answers, ” Duh, we’re not even catholic!”

one day a man was jumping on a manhole cover and yelling 31! 31! 31! another guy came up to him and said “what are you doing? you look like a complete ass!” the guy that was jumping replied “it’s a game, you wanna try? it’s actually pretty fun.” so the guy get son the manhole cover and starts hopping up and down saying 31 31 31 31. the first guy said “no no no! your doing it wrong, you have to jump higher and yell louder” so the guy jumps up and yells 31! and as soon as he does that, the first guy pulls the manhole cover out from under him and makes him fall down the hole. He then puts the manhole cover back on, gets on it again and resumes jumping and yelling 32! 32! 32! 32!

one day i was walking down the street and i say a big big dick.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS…

Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, “Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?” I said, “If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?” He smiled and nodded knowingly, “That’s why we ask.”

Idiot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, “What on earth are blind people doing driving!”

Idiot Sighting #3:
At a good-bye lunch for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the company due to “downsizing,” our manager spoke up and said, “this is fun. We should have lunch like this more often,” Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

Idiot Sighting #4:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

Idiot Sighting #5:
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger’s side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. “Hey,” I announced to the technician, “it’s open!” “I know,” answered the young man. “I already got that side…”