Category: jokes for nerds

I had skylights installed at my place the other day…the people
that live upstairs are really mad!

One day 3 guys are captured by 3 canibals. The canibals told them that they had to go into the woods and bring back 100 ping pong balls and they would not eat the one(s) who comes with all 100 pings pong balls.

The first guy is a balck man, They tell him to go into the woods and bring back the ping pong balls they asked for or they will eat him and goes into the woods and comes back 3 months later with only 40 ping pong balls. So the canibals eat him.

The second guy is a white man, They tell him to go into the woods and bring back the ping pong balls they asked for or they will eat him also, and he goes into the woods and comes back a year later with only 60 ping pong balls. So the canibals eat him too.

The third guy is an Asian man and has very bad hearing. They tell him to go into the woods and bring back the ping pong balls they asked for or they will eat him too. He goes into the woods and comes back 3 years later and has two gigantic balls in the sack that they gave him.

The canibals are looking very cerious as they ask him if he got the ping pong balls.

The man replies” PING PONG BALLS! I THOUGHT YOU SAID KING KONG BALLS!!””

“

Q:How do u get 5 retards into an ambulance??

A:2 in the front 2 in the back and the other on the top making the siren sound effects.

Let’s put this into sensible units – – like furlongs per fortnight.

SANTA AND BANTA SINGH WERE BITTER ENEMIES.SANTA LIVED ON THE 1ST AND BANTA ON THE 7TH FLOOR OF THE SAME BUILDING.ONE DAY THE LIFT WAS OUT OF ORDER AND BANTA SINGH DECIDED TO PLAY A TRICK ON SANTA SINGH AND CALLED HIM FOR DINNER TO HIS HOUSE AT 7:30PM. SO SANTA HUFFING AND PUFFING MANAGES TO REACH THE 7TH FLOOR .TO HISDISMAY HE FINDS A BIG LOCK ON THE DOOR AND THE MESSAGE” HA HA BEWAQOOF BANADIA !” SANTA IS ANGRY BUT THINKS A LOT AND FINALLY WRITES HIE REPLY BELOW BANTAS MESSAGE—“MAIN TO YAHAN AAYA HI NAHIN THA “.

One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby’s crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arms around her husband. “A penny for your thoughts,” she whispered in his ear. “It’s amazing!” he replied. “I just can’t see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $46.50!”

Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?

A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get him.

you so black you got marked out of night school!

confucius say: Woman who cooks meat..and peas in same pot. Unsanitary

Woman who fly in airplane upside down have crack up.

Man who farts in church sit in his own pew.

A woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband’s funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit.He asks, “Wouldn’t it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he’s wearing?”But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one.When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost.He says, “Actually, it didn’t cost anything. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So… I switched the heads.”

A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other
side of the street.

First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a
while they notice three persons coming out of the house.

The Physicist: “The measurement wasn’t accurate.”

The Biologist’s conclusion: “They have reproduced”.

The Mathematician: “If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it
will be empty again.”

What does an agnostic, insomniac, dyslexic do? Stay up all night wondering if there really is a dog.