Category: jokes for nerds

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. ”I have good news and bad news,” the owner replied. ”The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings.” ”That’s wonderful!” the artist exclaimed. ”What’s the bad news?” ”The guy was your doctor.”

your so stupid ur stupid

A Dutchman, a German and a Belgian are planning to walk in the desert.
The Dutchman says: “I’ll bring an umbrella for the shade when it gets too hot.”

The German says: “I’ll bring some sunglasses. This sun can really destroy your eyes!”

The Belgian remains silent.

Next day, the Dutchman and the German are astonished. “What’s that?” they both shout.

The Belgian answers: “It’s a car door. Now I can open the window when it gets hot…”

Man Walks into a bar.
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
^
OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

whats long brown and sticky?

a stick!

A robber robs a store and doesnt notice te camera so hes at the cash and tells the cashier to give him the money and all the beef jerkey. Then he asked for some alcohol and the cashier says “well i’ll need some id before i give this to you”” so the guy yells”” give me it”” then the cashier says””id!”” so the robber pulls out his drivers license and gives it to the cashier he was caught 10 minutes later (lol)

“

nok nok ! whose there? banana banana who? nok nok whose there banana banana who? nok nok let me guess its banana? Nope ok i’ll anwser the door then. WHO IS IT THIS TIME? Its Orange. OH YEAH ORANGE WHO? Orange you glad i didn’t say banana ?

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient’s room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand.

Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.

The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor.
The patient replied in an irritated fashion, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?”

The doctor inquired, “And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?”
“Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a lightbulb.”

The doctor asks, “If he’s your friend, don’t you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?”

“What? And work in the dark!?!”

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
What do people in China call their good plates?
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
What do you call a male ladybug?
What do you say if you’re talking to God, and he sneezes?
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
What if you’re in hell, and you’re mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

wats the difference between micheal jackson & casper?

ones pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost

THERE R THREE MEN THAT DIE.GOD SAYS HE WILL GIVE ANOTHER LIFE IF THEY JUMP OF A MOUNATAIN AND SAY SOMETHING THEY WILL BECOME THAT THING.THE FIRST ONE SAYS AIRPLANE AND FLYS AWAY.THE SECOND ONE SAYS BIRD AND FLYS AWAY.THE THIRD ONE THINKS VERY HARD.HE RUNS.HE TRIPS AND SAYS OH CRAP AND TURN IN TO CRAP.

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. His eyes are rolled back in his head and he doesn’t seem to be breathing. The other hunter takes out his cell phone and calls for help.

He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm voice, says: “Just take it easy. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is silence on the phone, then a shot is heard and the hunter’s voice comes back on the line. “OK,” he says, “now what?”