Category: governenment

Hilary Clinton got hit by a bus and went up to heaven. To get in
though, she had to go see St. Peter. When she was in his office
she saw a bunch of clocks. “What are all these clocks for?” she
asked
“Oh, those are lying clocks. When a person lies the hand
moves.” St. Peter said
“Where’s my husband’s?” inquired Hilary. And Peter replied
“Oh. It’s in God’s office. They’re using it as a fan.”

Every year the top doctors of all the nations meet at this huge
convention. Yeah, there’s short classes, etc. which they attend,
but the real reason there always there is to “out do” each
other. Well, this year at the convention, four doctors got to
talking (bragging).

The doctor from China says “Yep, let me tell ya fellas..our
country is so advanced…we can do a liver transplant, and have
the person out looking for a job in a month!” and then not to be
outdone, the doc. from Japan says….”Shew, that’s nothin’…our
country is so advanced, we can do a heart transplant..and have
em’ out lookin’ for a job in 2 weeks!” and then, not to be
outdone of course, the doctor from Russia says “Why that’s
nothing, our country is so advanced, we can do a liver
transplant, AND a heart transplant..and have em’ out looking for
a job in a week!

And then the doctor from the USA, says “Why you all are
pathetic…I’ve got ya all beat by a long shot! Our country is
so advanced….we can take an asshole out of Texas, and put in
the Whitehouse, and have the whole nation lookin’ for a job the
very next day!

What do Bin Laden and crabs have in common?

They both irritate Bush.

A priest went into a Washington D.C. barbershop and got his hair
cut. He then asked how much he owed the barber. “No charge,
Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.”
When the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a
dozen small prayer books on the stoop along with a thank you
note from the priest.

A few days later, a police officer came in. “How much do I owe
you?” the cop asked after his haircut. “No charge, officer,” the
barber answered. “I consider it a service to my community.” The
next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop
along with a thank you note from the police officer.

A few days after that, a senator walked in for a haircut. “How
much do I owe you?” he asked. “No charge,” the barber replied.
“I consider it a service to my country.” The next morning when
he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen senators
waiting on the stoop.

An African diplomat was talking to the prim and proper
Washington hostess.

“In my country,” he said, “the most popular of all activities is
making love to our livestock.”

Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, “Oh! Isn’t that revolting?”

“No,” the diplomat replied, “that’s our second favorite
activity.”

We almost caught Osama Bin Laden today. They sprayed the
recently developed “Liquid Viagra” all over the mountains and
inside the caves in Afghanistan and the little prick stood up.

Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out
walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie
pops out of it.

“I will give each of you each one wish. That’s three wishes
total,” says the genie.

The Canadian says, “I’m a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my
son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in
Canada.”

With a blink of the genie’s eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was
forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around
Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come
into our precious state.”

Again, with a blink of the genie’s eye, *POOF* there was a huge
wall around Afghanistan.

“Uncle Sam” (A former civil engineer), asks, “I’m very curious.
Please tell me more about this wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet
thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in
or out – it’s virtually impenetrable.”

Uncle Sam says, “Fill it with water.”

There was a little boy who prayed every night for two weeks,
asking God for $100. When he got no response, he thought it
would be a good idea to write to God and see if that worked.

The post office received the letter addressed to “GOD, USA.”
They decided that it would be best to just forward the letter to
President Clinton. The president read the letter and thought it
was cute, so he asked his secretary to send the boy $5, thinking
the boy would think that was a lot of money for a little boy.

When the boy got the letter, he was so excited that he sat down
immediately to write a thank-you letter. “Dear God,” he wrote,
“Thank you very much for the money you sent. I suppose it is to
be expected, but I thought you should know that when you sent it
through Washington, D.C., the stinkers deducted $95.”

Knock Knock……….

Who’s there?

Monica……..

Monica Who?

Very good Mr. President just like we practiced! Now lets go to
that Press Meeting.

there is a deodorant called (tali) ban. because YOU are a
stinking terrorist!
it is Osama strength, and comes in a new goat scent. made for
camels, but fit for an asshole.

ARTICLE I:
You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any
other form of wealth. More power to you if you can ‘legally’
screw someone else acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing
anything.

ARTICLE II:
You do not have the right to never be offended. This country is
based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone – not just
you! You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a
different opinion, or join a different klan.

ARTICLE III:
You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick a
screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful, do not expect
the tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives
independently wealthy.

ARTICLE IV:
You do not have the right to free food and housing. If you don’t
have a job – STARVE!

ARTICLE V:
You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
nice, but from the looks of public housing, we’re just not
interested in health care. If you get sick – get better or DIE!

ARTICLE VI:
You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or kill someone, make sure
it’s a minority.

ARTICLE VII:
You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If you
rob a 711 you get 20 years. However, commit white collar crime
and you can run for public office.

ARTICLE VIII:
The government does not have the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your aching
conscience. However, it makes perfect sense to arm all citizens,
including children with handguns.

ARTICLE IX:
You don’t have the right to a job. If you have one, great! If
not, eat shit!

ARTICLE X:
You do not have the right to happiness. Being a white American
means that you have the right to pursue happiness. Otherwise;
Good Luck!

10. “The alien is speaking, Agent Mulder….I think it wants to phone
home.”

9. “Sure we could have these people killed to protect what they know, but
wouldnt that be a little harsh?”

8. “Ive seen this one before, Scully. His name is Casper and he’s what you
call a ‘friendly’ ghost.”

7. “Look under the mask, this is no swamp monster, it’s Mr. Handy, the
owner of the old country store!”

6. “My Lord! This conspiracy involves all 3 of the Babor sisters!”

5. “Well, Agent Mulder, you’ve caught us. We’ll cooperate fully, of
course.”

4. “You’ll be happy to hear, Assistant Director Skinner, that I’ve
switched over to the nicotine patch.”

3. “The president wants to see you two immediatly. His cheeseburger’s
possesed.”

2. “And it would have worked, too, if it hadn’t been for you meddlin’ FBI
agents!”

1. “Gosh, I guess we were wrong….the government did have our best
intrests at heart, after all!”