Category: gender

how do men workout on a beach? a. they suck their stomaches in every time they see a bikini!

The gender of computers

An inquisitive researcher, who enjoyed sailing, was aware that ships are addressed as ‘she’ and ‘her’. He often wondered in what gender computers should be addressed.. To answer that question, he set up two groups of computer experts. The first was comprised of women, and the second of men.

Each group was asked to recommend whether computers should be referred to in the feminine gender, or the masculine gender. They were asked to give 4 reasons for their recommendation.

The group of women reported that the computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:

1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.

The men, on the other hand, concluded that Computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

An older woman went to the gynecologist.

He told her she was in perfect health, had the body of an eighteen-year-old. She was so excited she ran home to tell her husband.

“Oh yeah?” he said snidely. “What about your fat ass?”

“He didn’t say anything about you.”

1. Bicycles don’t pregnant.
2. You can ride your bicycle any time of the month.
3. Bicycles don’t have parents.
4. Bicycles don’t whine unless something is really wrong.
5. You can share your bicycles with your friends.
6. Bicycles don’t care how many other bicycles you’ve ridden.
7. When riding, you and your bicycle can arrive at the same time.
8. Bicycles don’t care how many other bicycles you have now.
9. Bicycles don’t care if you look at other bicycles.
10. Bicycles don’t care if you buy bicycle magazines.
11. You’ll never hear, “Suprise, you’re goning to own a new bicycle” unless you go out and buy one yourself.
12. If your bicycle goes flat, you can fix it.
13. If your bicycle is too loose, you can tighten it.
14. If your bicycle gets misaligned, you don’t have to discuss politics with it.
15. You can have a black bicycle and bring it home to your parents.
16. You don’t have to be jealous of the guy who works on your bicycle.
17. If you say bad things to your bicycle, you don’t have to apologize before you ride it again.
18. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get sore.
19. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated.
20. Your parents wont remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.
21. Bicycles don’t get headaches.
22. Bicycles don’t insult you if you’re a bad rider.
23. Your bicyle never wants a night out with other bicycles.
24. Bicycles don’t care if you’re late.
25. You don’t have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
26. If your bicycle doesn’t look good, you can paint it or get better parts.
27. You can ride your bicycle the first time you meet it without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
28. The only protection you need to wear when riding your bicycle is a decent helment.
29. When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you
had the last time you were on your bicycle.

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, “Windy, isn’t it?”

“No,” the second man replied, “It’s Thursday.”

And the third man chimed in, “So am I. Let’s have a beer.”

Submitted by curtis
Edited by calamjo

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball when suddenly a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. “He’s not my husband,” she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. “He’s not my husband either.”

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

“Wait a minute,” she says. “He’s not even a member of this club.”

Joe was sitting in his favorite bar having a few beers after work, when a beautiful woman sat down next to him. She looked vaguely familiar, but he couldn’t quite place her.

“Hi, Joe”, she said. “I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

Joe was puzzled. “Charlie, is that you?” What are you doing dressed up like a woman?”

“Well, Joe. It’s a long story, but the bottom line is that I always felt like a woman trapped in a man’s body, so I finally decided to do something about it. After a number of operations, I am now a woman.”

Joe was initially shocked, but after admiring Charlie’s breasts, he said, “Damn, Charlie, I bet it was pretty painful to have those implants put in.”

“Yeah, but that wasn’t the most painful part.”

Joe’s gaze lowered, and he got a sick feeling in his stomach. “Oh shit. You mean you had your penis and testicles cut off? I bet that was awful.”

“Yes, that was pretty painful, but that wasn’t the worst part.”

“I don’t believe it, Charlie. What could possibly be worse than that?”

“The final operation was the worst.
That was when they did a craniotomy and took out half of my brain!”

10. Cats’ facial expressions.9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.7. Fat clothes.6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell.4. Cutting your curls to make them grow.3. Eyelash curlers.2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.AND,The No. 1 thing only women understand: other women.

An Army General, a Marine General and a Navy Admiral were all enjoying a round of brew when they decided to have a contest.

“Let’s see which service has the most balls,” one of them said, and the rest agreed.

So the Army General took them to his base, went out to the Rifle Range and, finding a soldier, ordered him, “Son, run out there in the middle of all that weapons fire and fetch me a white rock.”

The soldier complied.

The General turned to his friends and stated, “Now, that’s balls.”

The Marine General took them to just outside his base, found a young Fire Eater and told him, “Marine, see that Biker Bar across the street? Go in there and tell them they’re all a bunch of a-hole, un-American sissies who couldn’t fight their way out of a whore house.”

The Marine complied, got his ass kicked, and came back out.

“That’s balls,” said the General.

The Admiral smirked a bit and took them to the Naval Base. Stopping at a pier, he got out, grabbed a bullhorn and shouted to a young Seaman who was painting the mast, 50 feet above the deck. “Hey Sailor, I want you to swan dive your sorry ass off that mast down here to me….that’s an order.”

The seaman looked down at the Admiral and yelled back, “Fuck you, sir.”

The Admiral smiled at his friends and said, “Gentlemen, game, set, match.”

Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis

Two dumb men go hunting.

Soon they get separated and, as often happens, one mistakes the other for a deer and shoots him.

After much effort he drags his buddy from the woods, throws him in the 4×4 and takes him to the nearest hospital.

“Will he be all right?” the worried hunter asks the doctor.

“It’s hard to say,” says the doctor. “But it would have been better if you hadn’t gutted and skinned him.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Q. Why are blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Bill was 26 over par by the eighth hole; he had landed a fleet of golf balls in the water hazard, and dug himself into a trench fighting his way out of the rough.

When his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt, Bill exploded.

“You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!” he screamed.

“I doubt it,” replied the caddy. “That would be too much of a coincidence.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis