Category: gender

One day, Adam sat outside the Garden of Eden shortly after eating the apple, and wondered about men and women. So looking up to the heavens he says, “Excuse me GOD, can I ask you a few questions?”

GOD replied, “Go on Adam but be quick I have a world to create.”

So Adam says,” When you created Eve, why did You make her body so curvy and tender unlike mine?”

“I did that, Adam, so that you could love her.”

“Oh, well then, why did You give her long, shiny, beautiful hair, and not me?”

“I did that Adam so that you could love her.”

“Oh, well then, why did You make her so stupid? Certainly not so that I could love her?”

“Well Adam, no. I did that so that she could love you”

A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and
said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each.

Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy

godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.

Next, it was the husband’s turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart’s desire.

He paused for a moment, then said, “Well, honestly, I’d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me.” The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom!

He was 90!!

Women think they already know everything, but wait… training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11.Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem… Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

Men are always whining about how we’re suffocating them…. Personally, I
think if you can hear them whining, you’re not pressing hard enough on the
pillow….

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
What are you doing? She asked.
Hunting Flies, he responded.
Oh!, Killing any? she asked.
Yep, 3 males, 2 Females, he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell?
He responded, 3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone

Guy:how do you like your eggs in the morning?

woman:unfertilized

Guy:my place or yours??

Woman:both,I’ll go to mine and you’ll go to yours!

Guy:is this seat empty?

Woman:yeah,and this one will be if you sit down!

Guy:Hey baby whats your sign?

Woman:Do not enter

Guy:I would go to the end of the world for you!

Woman:Yeah, but would you stay there?

Guy:If I saw you naked,I’d die happy!

Woman:If I saw you naked,I’d probably die laughing.

Guy:Have I seen you someplace before?

Woman:Yeah,that’s why I don’t go there anymore!

Guy:what do you do for a living?

Woman:I’m a female impersonator.

Guy:your body is like a temple!

Woman:Sorry,there are no services today.

When a woman says: ‘This place is a mess! C’mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and if we don’t do laundry right now, you’ll have no clothes to wear.’What a man hears: ‘blah, blah, blah, blah, c’mon blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah on the floor, blah, blah, blah, right now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes.’

A survey asked women what they would do if they woke up and had a penis for the day. These responses were taken from the survey:

I would walk around and prod him all night long with it, whatever he is doing I’ll be there prodding him with it.

I would write my name in the snow.

I would go into my boss’ office and lay it on his desk and say “where is my raise?

I would find my ex-boyfriend, go to bed with him & tell him to roll over & try something new.

I would want a big one and show it off to everyone.

I could grab myself in public and not be embarrassed.

I would not lift the lid on the toilet seat while peeing.

I would measure it both ways.

Pee off of a tall building.

I would get racked to see if it really hurts.

I would speed to the hospital and have it surgically removed.

I would see what a woman felt like on the other end.

I would love him, and squeeze him, and play with it all day.

Demonstrate to my husband and my two sons that it is possible to hit the water and not pee all over everything.

Pin my husband down and slap him in the face with it.

I would play with it and then make him roll over into the wet spot.

Go to an adult store and try out all kinds of stimulants to see what was the best.

Stand up and jump up and down and watch it swing all around.

See how many donuts I could carry with it.

Check out my boyfriend’s gag reflexes.

1. Please do not talk to my breast. You won’t be meeting them.

2. If you want to control someone sleep with your remote.

3. I always choose chocolate over men-always.

4. 51% love goddess 49% bitch.

5. My sexual preference is NO.

6. MY body is a temple, now get on your knees and pray.

7. It’s not the size that counts, it’s… no, wait, size does
count.

8. Rrmember you horny peice of dirt, girls are made of sugar,
spice, and everything nace.

9. Men are like hardware floors, lay them right the first time
and you can walk all over them forever.

10. Save your breath for your inflatable date.

Why are men endowed with a half ounce more brains than dogs?

So they know not to embarrass themselves by humping women’s knees at parties.

you met a girl-I m a man

you went to bed with her undressed-I m a man

then she said-I m a man

^_^

did you here about the the new nurse she is the new town door knob because everyone gets a turn.