Category: gender

A little old lady walked up to the cashier and placed a bag of cat food on the check out counter. The cashier said, I’m sorry but I can’t sell you that cat food. Why not? asked the little old lady. The cashier replided.. we have had complants that some senior citizens who don’t have very much money are buying pet food and eating eat, and it’s not healthy for them. If you can prove to me that you own a cat, then I can sell you the cat food.
The little old lady left the store and returned about an hour later with her cat, purchased the cat food and went home.

About a week later she tried to buy a 50 pound bag of dog food and the cashier said, mam, we went thru this before, show me that you own a dog and then I can sell you the dog food. The little old left and in an hour she returned with her dog and purchased the dog food.

A couple of weeks passed by, the little old lady walked into the store with a small box in her hands, walked up to the same cashier smiled and told her to stick her finger into the hole in the box. The cashier replied…I’m not sticking my finger in that box, there could be a snake in there and I could get bit. Oh no, replied the little old lady, I would’nt do anything to hurt you. Just to humor the lady the cashier stuck her finger into the hole and when she pulled it out the little old lady told her to smell it. The cashier smelled her finger, her nose turned up and she said Damn, that smells just like shit. The little old smiled and said, That’s exactly what it is… Now, can I purchase 4 rolls of toilet paper?

A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out.

The genie says, “For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!”
The man thinks for a minute, and says, “I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I’m scared of flying and tend to get seasick.”

The genie replies, “My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I’m sorry, but it just can’t be done. Please choose another wish!”

The man thinks for a minute, and says, “I want to be able to understand women.”

The genie pauses for a moment and says –
“So, this bridge you want…two lanes or four?”

A man asked his wife what she’d like for her birthday. “I’d love to be six again,” she replied.
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, and the Wall of Fear – everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald’s they went, where her husband ordered a Big Mac for her along with extra fries and refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, and hot dogs, popcorn, Pepsi Cola, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being six again?”

One eye opened. “You idiot, I meant my dress size.”

The moral of this story: If a woman speaks and a man is there to hear her, he will get it wrong anyway.

Q. Why do women skydivers wear tampons?
A. So they don’t whistle on the way down.

Ever notice how many of women’s problems can be traced to the male gender?
MENstruation
MENopause
MENtal breakdown
GUYnecology
HIMmorrhoids

Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Why don’t women have any brains?

Because they don’t have any testicles to put them in.

Why have they not sent women to the moon?

Because it has not needed to be cleaned yet

Q.
How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the
dishes?
A. Both of them.

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, “For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.”

The man thought for a minute and said, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I’m afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.”

The genie thought for a few minutes and said, “No, I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask.”

The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, “There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?”

The genie considered for a few minutes and said, “So, do you want two lanes or four?”

Q. What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.

Q. Why do men get married?

A. So they don’t have to hold their stomachs in anymore!

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis