Category: gender

Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring
and good-looking?

A: Because all those men already have boyfriends.

Q. What do electric trains and breasts have in common?
A. They’re intended for children, but it’s the men who usually end
up playing with them.

OBSERVATION:
If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman. If you don’t, you are not a man.

If you praise her, she thinks you are lying. If you don’t, you are good for nothing.

If you agree to all her likes, she is abusing. If you don’t, you are not understanding.

If you make romance, you are an ‘experienced man’. If you don’t you are half a man.

If you visit her too often, she thinks it is boring. If you don’t, she accuses you of double crossing.

If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy. If you don’t, you are a dull boy.

If you are jealous, she says it’s bad. If you don’t , she thinks you do not love her.

If you attempt a romance, she says you didn’t respect her. If you don’t, she thinks you do not like her.

If you are a minute late, she complains it’s hard to wait. If she is late, she says that’s a girl’s way.

If you visit another, she accuses you of being a heel. If she is visited by another, ‘oh it’s natural, we are girls.

If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold. If you kiss her too many, she yells that you are taking advantage.

If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics. If you do, she thinks it’s just one of the man’s tactics.

If you stare at other, she accuses you of flirting. If she is stared by others, she says that they are just admiring.

If you talk, she wants you to listen. If you listen, she wants you to talk.

ANALYSIS:

These creatures So simple, So weak, So confusing, y

CONCLUSION:

It is a wonder that these “WOMEN” are able to survive in the world. All test results have indicated that “WOMEN” are irrational. Precaution is advised when handling them.

How do you get a man to leave when you want?

Ask him about his feelings.

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news”, God said.

Adam looked at God and said, “Well, give me the good news first.

“Smiling, God explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you.
One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve.

The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?

“God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate these organs one at a time.”

Q: The perfect man, the perfect woman, and Santa Claus are in a car driving down the road and there is a fatal accident. There in only one survivor. Who is it?

A: The perfect woman – Santa Claus is made up and there’s no such thing as the perfect man!

The Meaning Of Rejection Lines Used By Women:

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in “Deliverance”)
9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(I don’t want to do my dad)
8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You are the ugliest dork I’ve ever laid eyes upon)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the whole night or else you may hear
phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing)
6. I’ve got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry’s)
5. I don’t date men where I work.
(I wouldn’t date you if you were in the same ‘solar system’, much
less the same building)
4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s you)
3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than
dating you)
2. I’m celibate.
(I’ve sworn off only the men like you)
1. Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail
about all the other men I meet and have sex with. It’s that male
perspective thing)

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men

10. I think of you as a sister.
(You’re ugly)
9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(You’re ugly)
8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You’re ugly)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(You’re ugly)
6. I’ve got a girlfriend.
(You’re ugly)
5. I don’t date women where I work.
(You’re ugly)
4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(You’re ugly)
3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(You’re ugly)
2. I’m celibate.
(You’re ugly)
1. Let’s be friends.
(You’re fucking ugly)

Q: What do you do with a man who thinks he’s God’s gift?A: Exchange him.

What Woman Say vs. What Women Really MeanCAN’T WE JUST BE FRIENDS? … really means, “There is no way I’m going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. … really means, “without you in it.”DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?… really means, “We haven’t had a fight in a while.”NO, PIZZA’S FINE…. really means, “you cheap slob!”I JUST DON’T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW. … really means, “I just don’t want YOU as a boyfriend now.I DON’T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO? … really means, “I can’t believe you have nothing planned!”COME HERE. … really means, “My puppy does this, too.”I LIKE YOU, BUT… really means, “I don’t like you.”OF COURSE I LOVE YOU…. really means, “just not in that way.”YOU NEVER LISTEN. … really means, “You never listen.WE’RE MOVING TOO QUICKLY. … really means, “I’m not going to stay over until I find out if this guy at the gym has a girlfriend.I’LL BE READY IN A MINUTE…. really means, “I’m ready, but I’m going to make you wait because I know you will.”OH, NO, I’LL PAY FOR MYSELF. … really means, “I’m just being nice; there’s no way I’m going Dutch.”I’M JUST GOING OUT WITH THE GIRLS. …. really means, “We’re gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.

For those of you who don’t already know, these are the rules that are in effect in every relationship.

1. The female always makes the rules.

2. These rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.

3. No male can possibly know all the rules.

4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules.

5. The female is never wrong.

6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a vagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the male said or did wrong.

7. If rule number 6 applies, the male must immediately apologize for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The female can change her mind at any given point in time.

9. The male must never change his mind without express written consent of the female.

10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The female must under no circumstances let the male know whether she wants him to be calm, angry or upset.

13. Any attempt to document these rules could result in bodily harm.

14. The female always gets the last word!

(*) These rules are subject to change as the female sees fit. All rules are null and void under the PMS Exception Law

Did you know…

While both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, according to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa’s reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a female.

We should’ve known. Only women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Tantilazing

41 Rules Men Wish Women Knew1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. 2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it’s up put it down. 3 . Don’t cut your hair. Ever. 4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again! 5. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear. 6. Sometimes, he’s not thinking about you. Live with it. 7. Don’t ask him what he’s thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lent, the shotgun formation and monster trucks. 8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it’s not different, it’s just like every other cat. 9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. 10. Sunday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 11. Shopping is not sport. 12. Anything you wear is fine. Really. 13. You have enough clothes. 14. You have too many shoes. 15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don’t expect us to like it. 16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too. 17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don’t work. 18. No, he doesn’t know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. 19. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We’re bound to miss sometimes. 20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. 22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 23. Your Mom doesn’t have to be our best friend. 24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. 25. Check your oil. 26. Don’t give us 50 rules when 25 will do. 27. Don’t fake it. We’d rather be ineffective than deceived. 28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. 29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. 30. If you don’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys. 31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one. 32. Let us ogle. If we don’t look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are? 33. Don’t rub the lamp if you don’t want the genie to come out. 34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done not both. 35. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 36. Christopher Columbus didn’t need directions, and neither do we. 37. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. 38. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do. 39. Telling us that the models in the men’s magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it’s certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines. 40. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. 41. Anyone can buy condoms.