How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don’t have testicles.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes.
Why don’t men eat more M&M’s?
They’re too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
Gifted.
What’s a man’s idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He’s breathing.
What do men and bottles of beer have in common?
They’re both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares!!!!
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything!
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don’t know – it’s never happened.
Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?
Because they’re stupid.
How are men and parking spots alike?
The good ones are always taken.
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
A woman of 35 thinks of having children.
What does a man of 35 think of?
Dating children.
How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.
What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence.
How does a man show he’s planning for the Future?
He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?
All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he’s God’s gift?
Exchange him.
Why do bachelors like smart women?
Opposites attract.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don’t work half time.
What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.