Category: gender

Don’t be sexist. Broads hate that!

What did the blizzard say to the penis?

Get ready for a blow, Cause here I cum.

I was having a bad day. For one thing I hadn�t slept well the previous night because of another loud party next door. On top of that, I felt a cold coming on. So I drove to the neighborhood drugstore, and ran in for a couple of minutes, just to get some cough drops. When I came out, there was a cop, writing a ticket for the expired parking meter.

�Give a girl a break, would you?� I asked him. He ignored me and went on writing. I called him a �pencil-necked Nazi.� He glared at me and began writing a second ticket for the expired city sticker. I called him a �horse�s ass,� and he began writing another ticket–for worn tires!!

I didn�t care. It wasn�t my car, but I�d recognized it as my noisy neighbor�s. I take my fun where I can get it.

When a woman says:
‘This place is a mess! C’mon, you and I need to clean up. Your stuff is lying on the floor, and if we don’t do laundry right now, you’ll have no clothes to wear.’

What a man hears:
‘blah, blah, blah, blah, c’mon blah, blah, blah, you and I blah, blah on the floor, blah, blah, blah, right now, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, no clothes.’

One day superman is flynig over a city and he sees Wonderwoman sleeping on top of a bulding nude. Superman says to himself” I’m faster than a speeding bullet i can do her like that!” So he goes down and does her and then flys away. 5 minutes later Wonderwoman wakes up and says ” What happened?” Invisible Boy says “i dont know but my ass hurts”

A group of W.Va. friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day.

That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

“Where’s Henry?” the others asked.

“Henry had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail,” the successful hunter replied.

“You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?” they inquired.

“A tough call,” nodded the hunter. “But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on the shoulder. This evidently pissed the driver off enough that he hung out his window and flipped the woman off. “Man, that guy is stupid” I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic and here’s why.
I drive 38 miles each way, every day, to work. That’s 76 miles, of these, 16 each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway. So, if you just look at the 7 lanes I am not in, that means I pass something like a new car every 40 feet per lane. That’s 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars. Even though the rest of the 34 miles is not bumper-to-bumper. I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars I pass every day. Statistically half of these are driven by females, that’s 18,000. In any given group of females, 1 in 28 are having the worst day of their period. That is 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding, that’s 449. According to the National Institutes of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide, that’s 98. And, 34% describe men as their biggest problem, that’s 33. According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons, and the number is increasing.

That means, that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, is having the worst day of her period, and is armed.

No matter what she does in traffic, I wouldn’t DREAM of flipping her off.

THREE WOMEN — ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND.

THE GERMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY.

“THAT WAS MY PAGER,” SHE SAID. “I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.”

A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG.

THE JAPANESE WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, “THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.”

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FELT DECIDEDLY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUTDONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE.

SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER BEHIND.

THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.

THE HILLBILLY WOMAN FINALLY SAID, “WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT, I’M GETTIN’ A FAX!

Submitted by NCrespi
Edited by Curtis and Yisman

This woman of forty, being a rather vain person, decided she needed a face lift. With her pocketbook as large as her ego, she went to several plastic surgeons before choosing the best money could buy. The doctor assured her that he could make her look young for many years because of a new technique he used.After the operation the doc told her that he had put a screw behind each ear that she could tighten as needed to keep her fresh young look.The woman was pleased for several years until one morning when she noticed bags under her eyes. Furiously she stormed into the doctor’s office demanding to know why there where bags under her eyes. The doctor replied, “Lady those aren’t bags, they’re your tits and if you don’t stop turning those screws you’re going to have a beard!”

How could Will Rogers say, “I never met a man I didn’t like”?

He never had to date one.

What do you have when you combine 50 women with a yeast infection in a room with 50 women suffering from PMS?

–A wine & cheese party!