Caddy replies

#10
Golfer: ”I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddy: ”Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”

#9
Golfer: ”Think I’m gonna go drown myself in the lake.”
Caddy: ”Think you can keep your head down that long?”

#8
Golfer: ”Do you think my game is improving?”
Caddy: ”Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.”

#7
Golfer: ”Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?”
Caddy: “Eventually.”

#6
Golfer: ”You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world.”
Caddy: ”I don’t think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence.”

#5
Golfer: ”Please stop checking your watch. It’s too much of a distraction.”
Caddy: ”It’s not a watch. It’s a compass.”

#4
Golfer: ”How do you like my game?”
Caddy: ”Very good, sir. But personally, I prefer golf.”

#3
Golfer: ”Do you think it’s a sin to play on Sunday?”
Caddy: ”The way you play, sir, it’s a sin on any day.”

#2
Golfer: ”This is the worst course I’ve ever played on.”
Caddy: ”This isn’t the golf course. We left that an hour ago.”

#1 Best Caddy Comment
Golfer: ”That can’t be my ball; it’s too old.”
Caddy: ”It’s been a long time since we teed off, sir.”

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Yisman

What Women Want

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthur’s youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.The Question: What do women really want?Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch’s proposition to have an answer by year’s end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but he’d have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur’s closest friend! Young Arthur as horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur’s life and the preservation of the Round Table.Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthur’s question:What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur’s life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthur’s life and granted him total freedom.What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached.Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when she’d been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament:During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?What would you do?What Gawain chose follows below, but don’t read until you’ve made your own choice……………………………………………………….Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself!Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.Isn’t that beautiful?But really now, what is the moral of this story?If you don’t respect women, things are gonna get ugly!

The Harmless Weirdo

At first, you think the Harmless Weirdo is adorably eccentric, offbeat, and intelligent–an iconoclast, really. Yes, he has a few unusual quirks and mannerisms, but he’s no boring, cookie-cutter frat boy. In short, he’s totally unlike any other man you’ve ever dated, which strikes you as a good thing.

Your view changes, radically, the evening you proudly introduce him to your friends. In front of everyone you know, your new suitor relates an anecdote about a bus trip he once took that goes on forever and has no apparent pont. THen, when the conversation turns to politics, he hijacks it, launching into a long, unstoppable tirade about the unacknowledged link between diet soda and brain damage. In a moment of sickening clarity, you become aware that you are dating a deeply odd individual. He’s the nerd from chemistry class, traveling incognito thanks to a pair of chinos from the GAP.

Moments after this revelation, you put dumping him on the top of your to-do list. But the Harmless Weirdo isn’t exactly attuned to social clues and fundamentally doesn’t understand he’s being ditched. Long after you’ve shown him the door, he’ll still call and drop by with no warning, as though nothing has changed. Although he’s not physically threatening, psychologically, he’s a menace. He’s a reminder that at times, your judgement can be very poor, indeed.

Three mistresses

There is is this guy and he has three mistresses. Well, he decides that he only wants to have one, so he has to choose. He decides on a way to choose by giving them each $150 and telling them to go off and spend it how they see fit.

The first girl comes back and announces that she has spent the $150 on a complete makeover and new hair-do. The guy thinks that is really nice.

The second girl comes back and announces that she has spent the $150 on a new see through nightie. The guy thinks that is really nice too.

The third girl comes back and puts a wad of money onto the table in front of him. “What’s this ?” he asks. The girl explains that she has taken the $150 and invested it and made $2000 with it. The guy is really impressed by this but now he has to go away and decide who he will keep.
So who do you think he picks ?????
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The one with the biggest BOOBS, of course!