Category: gender

How does the single woman get rid of roaches?

She asks them for a commitment.

What’s the most effective birth control device for men?

Their manners.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by yisman

Class size is limited to 10 as course material may prove difficult.

Agenda

1. Combating Stupidity

2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. P.M.S. Learning To Keep Your Mouth Shut

4. How To Fill An Ice Tray

5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas – Give Us $$$$$

6. Understanding The Female Responses To Your Coming In Drunk at 4am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques – (Formally Called “Don’t Wash My Silks”)

8. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence

9. You – The Weaker Sex

10. Reasons To Give Flowers

11. Why It Is Unacceptable To Relieve Yourself Anywhere But The Bathroom

12. How To Stay Awake After Sex

13. Garbage – Getting It To The Curb

14. Sex 101 – You Can Fall Asleep Without It, If You Really Try Sex 102 – The Morning Dilemma – If It’s “Awake”, Take A Cold Shower

15. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous

16. How To Put The Toilet Seat Down

17. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate And Not Get Lost

18. The Remote Control – Overcome Your Dependency

19. Helpful Postural Hints For Couch Potatoes

20. How Not To Get Younger Than Your Children

21. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver

22. Honest, You Don’t Look Like Mel Gibson – Especially When Naked

23. Changing Your Underwear – It Really Works

24. The Attainable Goal – Omitting @#$% From Your Vocabulary

25. Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary

26. Real Men Ask For Directions

A COPY OF THE ABOVE ENDED UP IN OUR LOCAL SHERIFF’S HANDS SO HE DECIDED TO HELP UPDATE THESE COURSES….

While I certainly can’t dispute some of the coursework you’ve listed in such a cavalier fashion, you forgot to show some of the classes that males take great pride in. They are:

1. Eating Straight Out of the Can . . . an environmentalist approach

2. Flatulence As An Art Form

3. If It’s There, Why Can’t I Touch It? The key to understanding women

4. Duct Tape – 101

5. Duct Tape – Advanced – The Magic Silver Strip

6. It’s Mine…I Can Scratch It…Assertiveness training

7. Cooking for Fun and Sex

8. Beer Gargling … Prerequisite is Chemistry 101

9. How To Make Your Woman Really Hot (blow your nose on her curtains)

10. Cussing to Make Your Point (Sub. for Speech 101, Asshole)

11. Cooties – How to Check Girls for Them

12. How To Order at a Fancy Restaurant

13. How To Slip Out Without Paying At A Fancy Restaurant

14. How To Have Great Sex

15. How To Have Great Sex With A Partner (Advanced Only)

Dr.Suite, CEO of the PyBRUs Chapter “Men can be amusing, really” offers courses for women who want to better understand their men. Courses are limited to 50 per class (this curriculum is usually easily assimilated by the female gender).

What is the average number of times in a bachelor’s life that his bed is made?

Once, when it was still in the factory.

Reasons why it’s great to be a man:

Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.
Your orgasms are real. Always.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be president.
You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don’t give a crap if no one notices your new haircut.
The world is your urinal.
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky.
Same work … more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.
People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
Porn movies are designed with you in mind.
Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone Conversations are over in 30 seconds flat!
You know stuff about tanks.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair cutters don’t rob you blind.
You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me.”
No maxi-pads.
You don’t mooch off other’s desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don’t have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During
the game the guys notice the girl knows much more about the game then they
do, and are really impressed. After the game they ask her, “How is it that
you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I used to be a guy and
got a sex change.”

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process.

“What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut IT
off?”

“That *was* very painful, but was not the most painful part.”

“Was it when they cut off the sack holding the family jewels?”

“That was very painful too, but was not the most painful part.”

“What was the most painful part?”

“The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half.”

How do men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.

What is gross stupidity?
144 men in a room.

Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra, you’ve got nothing to
put in it.
Wife: You wear briefs, don’t you?

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

What’s a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded head board.

Only a man would buy a $200.00 car and put a $2000.00 stereo in
it.

Why do men love computers?
No matter what mood they are in, they can still get a floppy in.

What’s the differnce between a clitoris and a pub?
8 out of 10 men can find a pub.

What do you call a man with half a brain?
Gifted.

What’s the difference between a man and a catfish?
One is a bottom feeding scum sucker…the other is a fish.

Why do men hope to marry a virgin?
They can’t stand the criticism.

What do you get if you have two balls in your hand?
A mans undivided attention.

What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
1. no mind
2. no business

What do you call an intelligent man in America?
A tourist.

Why do men name their penises?
They want to be on a first name basis with one who makes all
their decisions.

If men got pregnant…. abortion would be available in
convenience stores and drive through windows.

A priest and nun are on their way back home from a convention when their car breaks down. They are unable to get repairs completed and it appears that they will have to spend the night in a motel.

The only motel in this town has only one room available so they have a minor problem.

Priest: Sister, I don’t think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I’ll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.

Sister: I think that would be okay.

They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room. Ten minutes later…

Sister: Father, I’m terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I’ll get up and get you a blanket from the closet.

Ten minutes later…

Sister: Father, I’m still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I’ll get up and get you another blanket.

Ten minutes later…

Sister: Father, I’m still terribly cold. I don’t think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You’re probably right…get up and get your own damn blanket!

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&Ms. Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. He was driving his partner nuts.

Finally his exasperated partner says, “What`s taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!”

The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.”

“Forget it, man. I know your uphill shots. You don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?

Men always miss them.

Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Tantilazing

Women have their faults.
Men have only two.
Everything they say and
everything they do.