Yours Fun Portal !
Take a bunch of flowers home for your wife, sir,” urged the street vendor.
“I haven’t got a wife,” replied the young man.
“Then buy a bunch for your sweetheart.”
“I don’t have a sweetheart, either.”
“Well then, buy a couple of bunches to celebrate your luck.”
An older woman went to the gynecologist. He told her she was in perfect health, had the body of an eighteen-year-old. She was so excited she ran home to tell her husband. “Oh yeah?” he said snidely. “What about your fat ass?” “He didn’t say anything about you.”
A man walking along a beach stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped a genie. The genie said, “Okay…you released me from the lamp… blah, blah, blah. You get one wish!” The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m afraid to fly as I get a sick feeling within. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?”The genie laughed and said, “That’s impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Also, think of how much concrete would be needed…how much steel!! No, you must think of another wish.”The man said, “Okay,” and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, “I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care about them and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish I could understand women, know how they feel inside, what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say ‘nothing,’ know how to make them truly happy…”The genie looks at the man and asks, “You want that bridge two lanes or four?”
Do you know why the tribes of Israel wandered in the desert for 40 years?
Because even then, men couldn’t stop to ask directions.
If you want to know why they are called the ‘opposite sex’, express an opinion!
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
John Hopkins Medical Center is reporting an unusual occurrence in the Obstetrics department:
A child was born with both male and female organs.
A penis and a brain!
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, “I want
the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women
on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter.”
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and
there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their
women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their
women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created,
you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the
only,one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell
them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”
And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”
How to impress a woman:
compliment her,
respect her,
honor her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine and dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to impress a man:
Show up naked. Bring beer.
Q. Why did God give man a penis?
A. So we’d have at least one way to shut a woman up!
Q. What are the small bumps around a woman’s’ nipples for?
A. Its Braille for “suck here.”
Q. What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
A. Lipstick.
Q. Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A. They can’t stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q. Why did the army send so many women with PMS to the Persian Gulf?
A. They fought like animals and retained water for 4 days.
Q. What’s the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After 5 years your job will still suck.
Q. How is a women like a condom?
A. Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q.What’s the difference between a ’90’s woman and a computer?
A. A ’90’s woman won’t accept a three and a half inch floppy.
Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine.
He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves.
As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in the hands of a skeleton!
Joe immediately called out to his friend, “Jack, I’ve got trouble down here!”
“What’s the matter?” Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.
“Bring me my wedge,” Joe shouted. “You can’t get out of here with an eight iron!”
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman
Q. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A. They all already have boyfriends.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
– Mae West
Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
– Mae West
I like two kinds of men: domestic and imported.
– Mae West
It’s not the men in my life that count, it’s the life in my men.
– Mae West
Men become old, but they never become good.
– Oscar Wilde
A bachelor is a cagey guy and has a load of fun; he sizes all the cuties up and never Mrs. One.
Adam was created first to give him a chance to say something.
Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?
Boy will be boys but one day all girls will be women.
Boys will be boys, but men are better at it.
Men are like toilets. Either vacant, engaged, or full of crap.
A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Men…give them an inch…and they add it to their own.
I called my last boyfriend “Miller Lite”; tasted good, but wasn’t very filling.
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
If they can put a man on the moon, then why can’t they just put them all there.
Men are like dog turds; the older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Men piss like cheap cameras; they just aim and shoot.
Most men prefer looks to brains, because most men see better than they think.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
90% of the men give the other 10% a bad name.
Nowadays, the only place a single woman can find the best man is at a wedding.
PMS is something that makes a woman act once a month like a man acts EVERY DAY.
The guy who said all men are created equal never went to a nudist colony.
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.