Category: gender

Two Canadian guys, Mike and Rob were on the roof, laying tile, when a sudden gust of wind came and knocked down their ladder.

Mike:”I have an idea,” said Mike. “We’ll throw you down, and then you can pick up the ladder.”

“Rob:What, do you think I’m stupid? I have an idea. I’ll shine my flashlight, and you can climb down on the beam of light.”

Miike:”What, do you think I’m stupid? You’ll just turn off the flashlight when I’m halfway there.”

When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 31, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am now 40 and am looking for a girl with very big tits.

A man goes to Victoria Secret to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit.
“This is $200,” she says.

“I want one that’s more sheer,” says he.

“This one is $350.”

“I want it even more sheer than that.”

“This one is the most sheer that we have. It’s $500.”

“I’ll take it!”

The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her saying, “Go put this on and come down to model it for me.” His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, “This thing is so see-through that the old coot won’t even notice if I’m wearing it or not. I can take this back for a refund and he won’t know the difference.”

So his wife comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs.

“So, how do you like it?” she asks. Her husband then complains, “Darn, you’d think for $500 they’d iron the dang thing!

One day God came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news”, God said. Adam looked at God and said, “Well, give me the good news first.” Smiling, God explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to be very intelligent, create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”
Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given to me. What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?” God looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “The bad news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of these organs at a time.”

How do you describe a brunette whose phone rings on Saturday night?

Startled.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

Reminds me of the woman who goes to her gynecologist and complains of a pain in her averies.

“Don’t you mean ovaries ?” the doc says.

“No” she says.

“We had better have a look” says doc. After a minute of peering, doc says “You’re right, It looks like there’s been a cockatoo up there”

An aged patient doddered into the doctor’s office with a serious complaint.

“Doc, you’ve got to do something to lower my sex drive.”

“Come on now Mr. Peters,” the doctor said. “Your sex drive’s all in your head.”

“That’s what I mean, you’ve got to lower it a little.”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Yisman

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says, ‘I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also. I want all the women to go with Saint Peter.’With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 160 km long, and in the line of the men who dominated their women, there was only one man.God got mad and said to the 160-km-long line, ‘You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and your mates whipped you all. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?’And the man replied, `I don’t know. My wife told me to stay here.’

I read last week how there are more than one million battered women in the United States each year.All these years I’ve been eating them raw.

A male-to-female transexual was recently interviewed on a radio talk show.

The DJ asked the transexual about what, if any, pain the person experienced during the operation.

The transexual replied, “Well, when they cut my penis off, that really didn’t hurt too much. Even when they implanted the breasts in my chest, well, that really didn’t hurt too much either….”

“Then you didn’t experience any real physical pain at all then?”

“Hell no! It hurt like hell when they stuck that big fucking needle in my head and sucked out all my brains and then cut my salary in half!”

Bob goes into the public restroom and sees this guy standing next to the urinal. The guy has no arms. As Bob’s standing there, taking care of business, he wonders to himself how the poor wretch is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and starts to leave when the man asks Bob to help him out. Being a kind soul, Bob says, “Ah, OK, sure, I’ll help you.” The man asks, “Can you unzip my zipper?” Bob says, “OK.” Then the man says, “Can you pull it out for me?” Bob replies, “Uh, yeah, OK.” Bob pulls it out and it has all kinds of mold and red bumps, with hair clumps, rashes, moles, scabs, scars, and reeks something awful. Then the guy asks Bob to point it for him, and Bob points it for him. Bob then shakes it, puts it back in and zips it up. The guy tells Bob, “Thanks, man, I really appreciate it.” Bob says, “No problem, but what the hell’s wrong with your penis?” The guy pulls his arms out of his shirt and says, “I don’t know, but I ain’t touching it.

One day in the doctors office the paitent came in and told the
doctor that he had an orange dick.The doctor was starteled and
asked the paitent wat he does daily and the paitent replied well
all i do is watch porn movies and eat paprika chips.