Category: gender

A man who died in a horrible fire is taken to the coroner.

He thinks it might be a guy named George he met once, but the body is so badly burned that he needs somebody to make a positive identification.

That task falls to George�s two best friends, Joe and Al.

Joe comes over to the body and says, “He�s burned pretty bad, all right. Roll him over.”

Joe looks at the dead man�s butt and says, “Nope, that ain�t George.”

Thinking the incident strange, the coroner says nothing, and then brings in Al to examine the corpse.

Al takes a look at the body and says, “Wow, he�s burned to a crisp. Roll him over.”

Again, the same reply, “Nope, that ain�t George.”

“How can you tell?” asks the coroner.

“Poor George had two assholes,” explains Joe.

“What? How could he have two assholes?”

“Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town, everyone always said,

�Here comes George with those two assholes!� “

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by calamjo

Three men where trying to cross a river when a genie appears and
grants them all a wish. The first guy wishes he could fly so he
could fly over the river. The genie grants his wish and he flies
over the river. The second guy wishes he was strong so he could
swim over the river. The genie grants his wish and he swims
across the river. The third guy wishes he was smart so he could
figure out how to get over the river. The genie thinks for a
little while and then the guy turns into a lady and walks over
the bridge.

How do men exercise at the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. Why do women have breasts?
A. So men will talk to them.

One day three men were walking along and came upon a raging, violent river.

They needed to get to the other side, but couldn’t figure out how to cross it.

The first man prayed to God saying, �Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.�

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, �Please God, give me the strength, courage, and ability to cross this river.�

Poof! God gave him the skill to chop down a tree and fashion it into a rowboat; he was able to row across the river in about three hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, �Please God, give me the strength, courage and ability to cross this river.�

Poof! God turned him into a woman, and he walked across the bridge.

It’s the only type of cooking a “real” man will do:

When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of
events is put into motion.

1. The woman goes to the store.

2. The woman fixes the vegetables, salad and dessert.

3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray
along with all the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to
the man, who is lounging next to the barbecue, drinking a beer.

4. The man places the meat on the grill.

5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check on the
vegetables.

6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.

7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the
woman.

8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.

9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

10. The man asks the woman how she liked her “night off”.

And upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there is
just no pleasing some women.

“WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds translations40-ish means: 48Adventurer means: Has had more partners than you ever willAffectionate means: Possessive

50 Things Women Would Do To Drive Men Crazy…

1. Do not say what you mean. Ever.
2. Be ambiguous. Always.
3. Cry. Cry often. Tell them it’s their fault.
4. Bring things up that were said, done, or thought months or years ago.
5. Make them apologize for everything.
6. Stash feminine products in their backpacks and in their books as cute reminders that you were thinking of them.
7. Gossip. Gossip about everything that walks.
8. Play Alanis Morissette’s “You Outta Know,” loud. Look at them Smile.
9. Look them in the eye and start laughing.
10. Cry.
11. Get mad at them for everything.
12. Discuss your period in front of them. Watch them squirm.
13. Hold grudges.
14. Demand to be e-mailed. Often. Whine when they don’t comply.
15. When complimented, make sure to be paranoid. Take nothing at face value.
16. Use daddy as a weapon. Tell them about his gun collection, his quick trigger finger, and his affection for his “little princess.”
17. Be late for everything. Yell if they’re late.
18. Talk about your ex-boyfriend 24-7. Compare and contrast.
19. Go everywhere in groups, especially the bathroom. Do nothing alone. Independence is a sign of weakness.
20. Cry.
21. Make them guess what you want and then get mad when they’re wrong.
22. Plan little relationship anniversaries, i. e. the monthly anniversary of the time you saw each other in the library. . . for five minutes. Then get mad at them for forgetting. Then cry.
23. Fall for your FAC.
24. Gather many female friends and dance to “I Will Survive” while they are present. Sing all the words. Sing to them. Sing loud.
25. Correct their grammar.
26. Describe back-alley abortions. Then remind them of their mother or little sister.
27. Constantly claim you’re fat. Ask them. Then cry, regardless of their answer.
28. Leave out the good parts in stories.
29. Make sure to only be interested in guys in the same friendship group. Make sure to cause trouble.
30. Make them wonder. Confusion is a good thing.
31. Cry.
32. Declare that you are not wacko.
33. Criticize the way they dress.
34. Criticize the music they listen to.
35. Criticize their hair.
36. Ignore them. When asked, “What’s wrong?” tell them that if they don’t know, you’re not going to tell them.
37. Try to change them.
38. Try to mold them.
39. Try to get them to dance.
40. Pretend you’re interested, lead them on, then feign ignorance when confronted.
41. When they screw up, never let them forget it.
42. Make them stay at religious services until they are close to fainting. Just because.
43. Blame everything on PMS.
44. Blame everything on PMS only after it has been blamed on them.
45. Whenever there is silence ask them, “What are you thinking?”
46. Get mad if they don’t notice a haircut. Even if it’s only a half inch.
47. Read into everything.
48. Over-analyze everything.
49. Cry.
50. Make it your goal to make THEM cry.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.

“I got a cookbook once,” said one, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy work in it, eh?” asked the other.

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, ‘Take a clean dish.'”

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both. Appreciating the Humor of the Three Stooges. “Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?” – Why Men Lie. TV Remotes: For Men Only.

Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. “I got a cookbook once,” said the first, “but I could never do anything with it.”

“Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?” asked the second.

“You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way – ‘Take a clean dish and….'”

A prostitute visited a colleague in the hospital just before she was about to have a heart transplant.

Concerned about her friend’s welfare, the prostitute went up to the surgeon and said, “Doctor, I’m worried about my friend. What if her body rejects the organ?”

The doctor replied, “Well, she’s 34 years old and is in extremely good health, apart from her heart. How long has she been in the business?”

The patient’s friend replied, “She’s been working since she was 18 years old, but what’s that got to do with anything?”

“Well,” said the doctor, “if she’s been working for 16 years and hasn’t rejected an organ, I don’t think she’s about to start now!”