Category: gender

what do u call a 100 black running down a hill

Mud slide

A job negotiator and a feminist were in dispute… The feminist was arguing over the different pay scales that her women were receiving…

Fem: Okay, why are women paid less than men for doing the same job that a man does.
Neg: It says in the Bible that women are worth less than men.

Fem: Where does it say that? I don’t think so.
Neg: Well, you do agree that woman was made from a rib, correct?

Fem: Yeah, so?
Neg: Well, there you have it. A rib is a cheaper cut of meat!

Why don’t men have hemorrhoids?

Because when God created man, he created the perfect asshole.

What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date?

Slow.

Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis

Why Dogs are Better than Women:

Dogs don’t cry. Dogs love it when your friends come over. Dogs don’t care if you use their shampoo. Dogs think you sing great. A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink. Dogs don’t expect you to call when you are running late, and the later you are, the more excited dogs are to see you. Dogs don’t care if you play with other dogs. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name. Dogs are excited by rough play. Dogs don’t mind if you give their offspring away. Dogs love red meat. Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair. Anyone can get a good-looking dog. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it. Dogs don’t shop. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long. Dogs never need to examine the relationship. A dog’s parents never visit. Dogs love long car trips. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking for directions. Dogs know that all animals smaller than dogs were made to be hunted. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it. Dogs don’t hate their bodies. No dog ever bought a Kenny G or Hootie & the Blowfish album. No dog ever put on 100 pounds after reaching adulthood. Dogs never criticize. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across. Dogs never expect gifts. It’s legal to keep a dog chained up at your house. Dogs don’t worry about germs. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you ever had. Dogs like to do their snooping outside as opposed to in your wallet, desk, and the back of your sock drawer. Dogs don’t let magazine articles guide their lives. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than lobster. You never have to wait for a dog. They’re ready to go 24 hours a day. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewelry. Dogs don’t borrow your shirts. Dogs never want foot-rubs. Dogs enjoy heavy petting in public. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk. Dogs can’t talk. Dogs aren’t catty.

Q. What is six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
A. Money.

M: I know how to please a woman.
W: Then please leave me alone.

M: I want to give myself to you.
W: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

M: Your hair color is fabulous.
W: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.

M: You look like a dream.
W: Go back to sleep.

M: I can tell that you want me.
W: Yes, I want you to leave.

M: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
W: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

M: Your body is like a temple.
W: Sorry, there are no services today.

M: Is this seat empty?
W: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

M: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
W: What’s it like being the biggest liar in the world?

M: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
W: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

What does a man and a floor have in common?

You lay them right the first time you can walk all over them forever!!

Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don’t imagine you can change a man – unless he’s in nappies.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they put a man on the moon – they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you’re not his type – you have a pulse.

Never let your man’s mind wander – it’s too little to be let out alone.

The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can’t dance or buy drinks. (Personally I think the dancing is debatable on most men).

Never sleep with a man who’s named his willy.

Go for younger men. You might as well – they never mature anyway.

A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

Men are all the same – they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

Women don’t make fools of men – most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If you want a committed man look in a mental hospital.

The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times men wouldn’t ask for directions.

If he asks what sort of books you’re interested in, tell him cheque books.

A man’s idea of serious commitment is usually, ‘oh alright, I’ll stay the night”.

Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn’t even have bothered to have lunch with.

Remember a sense of humour does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.

If he asks you if you’re faking it tell him no, you’re just practicing.

Sadly, all men are created equal.

When he asks you if he’s your first tell him, “You may be, you look familiar”.

The main point of having a boyfriend is so that he can one day graduate to the exalted status of a ‘former boyfriend”.

There are two significant influences in a man’s life and they are both his mother.

There are a lot of words that you can use to describe – strong, caring, loving – they’d be wrong – but you could still use them.

A woman parked her brand-new Lexus in front of her office, ready
to show it off to her colleagues. As she got out, a truck
passed too close and completely tore off the door on the
driver’s side. The woman immediately grabbed her cell phone,
dialed 911, and within minutes, a policeman pulled up. Before
the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the woman started
screaming hysterically. Her Lexus which she had just picked up
the day before was now completely destroyed and would never be
the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the
woman finally wound down from her ranting and raving, the
officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. “I can’t
believe how materialistic you women are,” he said. “You are so
focused on your possessions that you don’t notice anything
else.” “How can you say such a thing?” asked the woman. The
cop replied, “Don’t you know that your left arm is missing from
the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit
you.”
“My God!!” screamed the woman. “Where’s my tennis bracelet?!”

Single women claim that all the good men are married, while all married women complain about their lousy husbands.

This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.

Men are like … Coffee
The best ones are rich, warm, full-bodied and can keep you up
all night long.

Men are like … Cement
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like … Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like … Blenders
You think that you need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Men are like … Coolers
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like … Copiers
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.

Men are like … Curling Irons
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.

Men are like … Government Bonds
They take so long to mature.

Men are like … High Heels
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like … Horoscopes
They always tell you what to do, but they’re usually wrong.

Men are like … Lawn Mowers
If you’re not pushing one around, you’re usually riding it.

Men are like … Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like … Laxatives
They irritate the shit out of you.

Men are like … Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like … Mini Skirts
If you’re not careful they’ll creep up your legs.

Men are like … Noodles
They’re always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need
dough.

Men are like … Parking Spots
The good ones are already taken, and the ones that are left are
handicapped or extremely small.

Men are like … Weather
Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like … Plungers
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the
bathroom.

Men are like … Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like … Placemats
They only show up when there’s food on the table.

Men are like … Snowstorms
You never know when he’s coming, how many inches you’ll get or
how long it will last.

Men are like … Used Cars
Both are easy to get, cheap and unreliable.

Men are like … Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.