Category: gender

The following information was gained through much arduous research involving men and women from all backgrounds and walks of life. It consists of the most frequently asked questions of women (i.e. relationships, sex and life in general). All women who read this are encouraged to use the wisdom contained therein to change their behavior in accordance with the truths established below.

Q: How do I know if I’m ready for sex?
A: Ask your boyfriend. He’ll know when the time is right. When it comes to love and sex, men are much more responsible, since they’re not as emotionally confused as women. It’s a proven fact.

Q: Should I have sex on the first date?
A: YES. Before if possible.

Q: What exactly happens during the act of sex?
A: Again, this is entirely up to the man. The important thing to remember is that you must do whatever he tells you without question. Sometimes, however, he may ask you to do certain things that may at first seem strange to you. Do them anyway.

Q: How long should the sex act last?
A: This is a natural & normal part of nature, so don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed. After you’ve finished making love, he’ll have a natural desire to leave you suddenly, & go out with his friends to play golf. Or perhaps another activity, such as going out with his friends to the bar for the purpose of consuming large amounts of alcohol & sharing a few personal thoughts with his buddies. Don’t feel left out – while he’s gone you can busy yourself by doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, or perhaps even going out to buy him an expensive gift. He’ll come back when he’s ready.

Q: What is “after play”?
A: After a man has finished making love, he needs to replenish his manly energy. “After play” is simply a list of important activities for you to do after lovemaking. This includes lighting his cigarette, making him a sandwich or pizza, bringing him a few beers, or leaving him alone to sleep while you go out and buy him an expensive gift.

Q: Does the size of the penis matter?
A: Yes. Although many women believe that quality, not quantity, is important, studies show this is simply not true. The average erect male penis measures about three inches. Anything longer than that is extremely rare and if by some chance your lover’s sexual organ is 4 inches or over, you should go down on your knees and thank your lucky stars and do everything possible to please him, such as doing his laundry, cleaning his apartment and/or buying him an expensive gift.

Q: What about the female orgasm?
A: What about it? There’s no such thing. It’s a myth!

“Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.” — Hedy Lamarr

“When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.” — Elayne Boosler

“I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.” — Gilda Radner

“Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.” — Maryon Pearson

“In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher

“I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.” — Gloria Steinem

“Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry.” — Gloria Steinem

“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.” — Katharine Hepburn

“Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.” — Baroness Edith Summerskill

“If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?” — Linda Ellerbee

Why do so few men end up in heaven?

They never stop to ask for directions.

What’s the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman’s body, except his own.

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”The little boy nodded in the affirmative.”Do you understand that what matters is whether we win together as a team?”The little boy nodded yes.”So,” the coach continued, “when a strike is called, or you’re out at first, you don’t argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?”Again the little boy nodded.”Good,” said the coach, “now go over there and explain it to your mother.”

Why is Mr. Potato Head the perfect man?He’s tan, he’s cute, and if he looks at another woman, you can rearrange his face.

Yet another pic of my drunk ass ex-husband passed out as usual.

Notice how he doesn’t even wake up when the dog walks on him.

What is the thinnest book in the world?

What men know about women.

An office manager was sent three secretaries, equally qualified, to fill one vacancy. “Well,” thought the manager, “I’ll give them an honesty test to determine which secretary to keep.”

To this end, he gave each secretary a money bag to take and bank telling them that there was $50 in the bag. (In fact, he had placed $100 in each bag; thus the honesty test.)

The first secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50 and returns the extra $50 to the manager.

The second secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks the full $100, and returns with a deposit slip as proof.

The third secretary goes to the bank, discovers the extra money, banks $50, goes to the local TAB and uses the $50 to win $300, then returns, explains to the manager and gives him the all the money.

Question: Which secretary does the manager select to retain?
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Answer: Well, DUH!…The one with the biggest breasts!

Man says to God, “God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”
God says, “So you would love her.”

“But God,” the man says, “why did you make her so dumb?”
God replies, “So she would love you.”

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

God comes and says,
‘I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. Also. I want all the women to go with Saint Peter.’

With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women were gone and there were two lines. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 160 km long, and in the line of the men who dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said to the 160-km-long line,
‘You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and your mates whipped you all. Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from him. Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?’

And the man replied,
`I don’t know. My wife told me to stay here.’

Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor Is His. Valuation: Just Because It’s Not Important to You . . . Communication Skills I: Tears-The Last Resort, Not the First.