Category: gender

How Dogs and Men Are the Same1. Both take up too much space on the bed.2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.3. Both mark their territory.4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.6. Neither does any dishes.7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.8. Both like dominance games.9. Both are suspicious of the postman.12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

This guy walks into a pharmacy and asks the clerk at the desk if he has
any condoms with pesticides on them. The guy looks at him and says, “don’t
you mean spermicide?” The guy says,”no I mean pesticide.” The pharmicist
says, “you want a condom with pesticide on it?” The guy responds, “because
my wife has a bug up her ass and I wanna get that sucker.”

What Is The Fastest Sea Animal On the Earth?

A cuban Swimming Away From The Coast Guard.

I LIKE MY WOMEN THE WAY I LIKE MY COFFEE……

“I like my women the way I like my coffee…bitter”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…strong enough to stand a
spoon in.”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…first thing in the morning.”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…hot and black”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…no artificial sweeteners”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…chewy”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…IN BED”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…50 cents, free refills”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…to the last drop”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…filled to the rim”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…Chock full o’ nuts”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…dribbling down my chin”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…scalding the roof of my
mouth when my brother pulls away too fast when the light turns green”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…freshly ground”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…from behind!”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…in a mug!”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…in Twin Peaks”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…Jamaican and blue”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…kept hot in a Thermos”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…dressed up in a Catholic
schoolgirl’s uniform”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…sweet and low”
“I like my women the way I like my coffee…with donuts!!”

“WOMEN SEEKING MEN” Classifieds translationsHumorous means: CausticIntuitive means: Your opinion doesn’t countIn Transition means: Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills

Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. God comes and says “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.”
Said and done, the next time God looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

God got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here”

God was talking to Adam and ask Adam which he wanted first, the good news or the bad news.
Adam chose the good news.

God told him he had made something for him: it would never wear out, it was warm and slick, it felt good, and would give a tremendous amount of pleasure in his lifetime.

Adam said that is great and asked what could possibly be the bad news.

God said that he put a woman in charge of it.

A man and woman are having a relationship for about 4 months now. One Friday night, they meet at a bar after work. They stay for a few, then go get some food at a local restaurant near their respective homes. They eat, then go back to his house and she stays over.
Her story:
**********
He was in an odd mood when I got to the bar last night, I thought it might have been because I was a bit late, but he didn’t say anything much about it. The conversation was slow going so I thought we should go off somewhere more intimate so we could talk more privately. So we went to this restaurant and he is still acting a bit funny and I am trying to cheer him up and I start to wonder if it is me or something else. I ask him and he says no. But you know I am not really sure.

Anyway, in the cab back to his house, I say that I love him and he just puts his arm around me. I don’t know what the hell this means because you know he doesn’t say it back or anything. We finally get back to his place and I am wondering if he is going to dump me. So I try to ask him about it but he just switches on the TV. Reluctantly, I say I am going to go to sleep. Then, after about 10 minutes, he joins me and we have sex. But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I just wanted to leave. I don’t know, I just don’t know, what he thinks anymore. I mean, do you think he’s met someone else????

His story:
**********
Lousy day at work, low on funds, and tired. Got some action though.

How Dogs and Men Are the Same

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuuming.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

6. Neither does any dishes.

7. Neither notice when you get your hair cut.

8. Both like dominance games.

9. Both are suspicious of the postman.

12. Neither understands what you see in cats.

Q. What is the best thing about a blowjob?
A. Ten minutes of silence.

Why do a married man and his single male friend envy each other?

Each one thinks the other is having sex more often.

Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Yisman

what did the farmer say whenhe lost his tractor?

wheres my tractor!!!!!!