dead end date bob

there once was man who was very bored. he watched tv played a
game and listended to music but he was still bored.

so the man (bob)dicided to join a dating service so he wouldnt
always be so bored. on his first date bob meets a young blonde
girl in her mid 20s. bob is very attracted to her and trys to
make his move. while watching a movie at a drivr in bob starts
to touch her. he slowly touches her parts but she doesnt seem to
notice. so bob finally hits her really and she screams really
loud, for bob had broke her arm.

the blonde brings the case to court so bob would have to pay
medical expences. the blonde win the case and bob is forced to
pay 300 dallors.

bob goes on another date this time with a blonde in her early
20s. this time they go to a pool for a swim. bob tries to make
his move on this girl to. while the girl is swimming bob
“accedently” touched her breasts. the girl is affended a slaps
bob and goes home.

bob goes on many bad dates and is know for it. no girl in the
area even ties to go out with bob so bob moves to a city in new
york ware he gets a new job in the world trade center and signs
up at aanother dating service.

on bobs first date at the new service he goes out with a very
hot blonde girl. they imeditly fall in love and get married.

after 15 years of being married thay get a divorve. bob is
know45 years old and has lost all is hair and is very
unatractive so no one is willing to date him. so bob is bored
for many more years until he is 60 and goes to an retirement
home. there he meets some old chicks. he falls in love with one
on person exept it is a guy.

the guy and bob move to texas where they get a legal gay
marrige. they live happly for 10 years until the guy dies from a
oversized anus.(i wonder how that happened) bob is very sad but
wants to have another partner so he goes date hunting again. bob
goes on many dead end dates with old men.

one day bob dies because one of dates was a pysco killer and
murdered him. in hevan bob goes up to st. peter. there are only
6 other people in line so st. peter says the man who had the
worst life will be the only won to get to hevan. the first man
says how he was in the army for 30 years and faght all his life
nd how he died from being tortured to death.

all the other men in line to get into hevan tell their life
story which were all far worse then bobs but bob was the one who
got into hevan. all the other men were angerd by st. peters
chioce and asked why they chose bob.

this is what st. peter said ” every gay manwho has died has gone
to hell. bob is the first gay man to come to hevan. i want him
for myself!

Ol’ Kelly the Cook

A traveling salesman stops for the night in a tiny town. He is
feeling unbelievably horny, so he goes to the local bar to scope
out to local females. When he gets there he finds that there are
no women in the bar, and after a few drinks no women have come
in. Come to think of it, he can’t remember seeing any women in
the entire town. So he asks the bartender where he can find some
women.

“Sorry,” the bartender replies, “there aren’t any women in this
town, only ol’ Kelly cook, out back”

“Hey, I’m not like that!” shouts the man, slightly offended.
After a few more drinks he is feeling even hornier, and once
again pleads with the bartender about where he can find some
women.

“Sorry,” the bartender replies, “there aren’t any women in this
town, only ol’ Kelly cook, out back.”

“I already told you, I’m not like that!”

The man sucks down a few more drinks and, now slightly drunk and
incredibly horny, says to the bartender, “Com’ on, there’s GOT
to be some women in this town. I’ve got money, I can pay for
one.”

“I’m sorry,” the bartender replies again, “there aren’t any
women in this town, only ol’ Kelly cook, out back”

“I’M NOT LIKE THAT!!!!!” he screams, but, overcome with
horniness the man turns back to the bartender and concedes,
“alright! How do I get to ol’ Kelly the cook?”

“Okay, go out back,” the bartender explains. Pointing towards
two large men he continues, “Joe and Bruno here will bring out
ol’ Kelly the cook.”

“What are Joe and Bruno for?” asks the man, confused.

“They’re to hold him down. Ol’ Kelly the cook isn’t like that
either.”