Category: gays & lesbians

Why are Lesbians the worst cooks?

Because they are always eating out

2 gays and 2 lesbians are all gonna travel round the world. Who
will get around first?

The lesbians. Why? Because the lesbians will be doing 69, while
the gays are still packing each other’s shit.

there is two gay guys and one of them says i will be right back
but then he take a long time so the other guy gos looking for him
and finds him and he sees shit blood cum on the wall and says
what happen the other guy says i farted.

Two college buddies wanted to go drinking one Saturday night.
Having only 50 cents between them they devised a plan to get
free drinks all night.

They went to a vendor at the corner and ordered a plain hot dog
no bun. One of the guys then placed the hotdog in the front of
his jeans. They proceeded to the first bar.

Not wanting to push their luck they kept the tab fairly low and
when the bartender asked for payment the two gentlemen looked at
each other and one guy opened his zipper and let the hotdog
protrude while the other got on his knees and placed his mouth
on it.

Disgusted with this scene the bartender threw the two out. This
went on for about 5 bars when one guy looked at the other and
said he was tired of getting on his knees, “Let me have the
hotdog in the next bar.”

The first guy shrugged the guy off and said, “Oh shoot, I got
rid of that thing 3 bars back….”

What do you call 2 lesbians trapped in a cabinet….

A licker cabinet

What is the difference between a wheat thin and a lesbian….

one is a snack cracker, the other is a crack snacker

How do you hold your liquer….

by the ears

A little girl was playing in the garden when she spotted two
spiders mating.

“Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?” she asked
“They’re mating,” her father replied.
“What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?” she asked
“That’s a daddy longlegs.” her father answered.
“So, the other one is a mommy longlegs ?” the little girlasked.
“No,” her father replied. “Both of them are daddy longlegs.”

The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and
stamped them flat.

“Well, we’re not having THAT sort of poofter shit in our
garden.”

One day, a guy dies and finds himself in Hell. As he is
wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with a demon:

Demon: Why so glum, chum?

Guy: What do you think? I’m in Hell.

Demon: Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down
here. You a drinkin’ man?

Guy: Sure, I love to drink.

Demon: Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s
all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, guinness, wine coolers,
diet Tab… we drink till we throw up and then we drink some
more.

Guy: Gee, that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?

Guy: You better believe it.

Demon: All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest
cigars from around the world and smoke our friggin’ lungs out.
If you get cancer, it’s okay… you’re already dead.

Guy: Golly!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.

Guy: Yes, as a matter of fact I do.

Demon: Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps,
blackjack, horse races, you name it. We even opened up a pai gow
poker table.

Guy: Gosh, I never played pai gow before…

Demon: Well now you can. You like to do drugs?

Guy: Yes, I love to do drugs. You don’t mean…

Demon: That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a
great big bowl of crack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine.
You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it’s
okay… you’re already dead.

Guy: Neat! I never realized that hell was such a swingin’ place!

Demon: You gay?

Guy: Uh, no.

Demon: Oooh, you’re gonna hate Fridays…

Three men are about to go into heaven, a robber, a pickpocket,
and a gay man. God says to them, “To enter heaven you must
overcome your greatest temptations…”

God turned to the robber and said, “go back down to earth and
don’t steal anything for an entire day.” The robber agreed.

God turned to the pickpocket and said, “go back down to earth
and don’t pickpocket anything for an entire day.” The pickpocket
agreed.

God finnally said to the gay man, “go back down to earth and
restrain from having sex with any man for an entire day.” The
gay man agreed.

All three were back on earth, where they found themselves in a
mall.

Then the robber saw a brand new stereo system in the window of a
electronics store. He couldn’t stand it and just as he grabbed
the handle of the stereo, WHOOOOSH…he vanished into thin air
and was sent to hell.

Then the pickpocket saw a woman drop her bag, and just as he was
bending down to swipe some money, WHOOOOOSH, the gay man
vanished.

WHy did the Chicken cross the riad??? Because he felt like it..

There was a nun that needed a ride so she waved down a taxi. The
driver pulled up and took the nun where she needed to go. During
the ride the man said to the nun, “You’re pretty hot, for a
nun!”

The nun thanked the man by asking him if he’d like to have sex
with her. He agreed and the nun said, “only under one condition,
you mustn’t be married, you mustn’t have kids, and it must be
anal sex!” So the two people got out and had anal sex for hours
and did not stop for anything (once you pop the fun don’t
stop… til one of you gets tired!) After they were sweaty
enough, they got in the cab and continued driving!

The man got very guilty and told the nun that he was married and
had two kids! The nun said, “That’s ok because my name is Bob
and I’m on my way to a costume party!”

Why are gay’s the first ones out of the hotel in the morning?

because they get their shit packed the ngiht before.

There were these three gay guys going at it one night, and they
run out of vasaline. So the first guy says “hey dont do anything
until i get back from the store” so the other two said “alright
we’ll wait”
So upon returning from the store the man notices that there is
vasaline all over the place. He says “I thought you guys
promised not to do anything until i got back!” The second guy
goes “We didnt” so the first guy says “then what is all this on
the walls?” upon syaing this the third guy steps up and says “I
farted”