Category: food

The corner shop baker was a true artist when it came to making birthday cakes. One customer asked him “can you make a birthday cake for my wife, she’s an optician?” He agreed and produced a birthday cake in the perfect detail of a winking eye.

His next customer said ” can you make a birthday cake for my husband, he’s a dentist.” He agreed and produced a cake in the shape of an open mouth, including the teeth and tongue.

At that moment another customer began to leave his shop, when the baker asked “can I help you?” The lady turned and said”no, I don’t think so,it’s my husband birthday today, but he’s a gynaecologist”.

A husband apple and a wife apple were having a discussion.
“Honey, you seem upset…” said the husband apple to his wife apple.

“Yes dear, I am.” she replied.

“What is the matter?” he asked.

The wife apple would not say what the matter was and she kept hesitating.

Finally, the husband apple got very upset, and demanded to his wife apple, “You better tell me what is wrong! I want to get to the CORE of things!”

Q:hear about the carrot that died??

A:there was a big turnup at the funeral

Q: Why couldn’t the two melons run away to get married?

A: Because they cantelope.

One day Mary, a mom of 3, was making a pie for her kids. Johnny was 5, steve was 10, and Cortez was 15. Steve had a BB gun and left the box of BBs on on the kitchen table. While Mary was cooking the pie she turned and the box of BBs fell into the pie mix. She decided not to worry about and left them in without tell her children. After dinner, the desert was the pie and every kid had 2 pieces. The next day when they got home johnny went to his mom and say that he peed out little silver balls and Mary told him not to worry about it. Then steve came to her and said the same thing and she told him not to worry about it. Then Cortez came to mary and mary said, “let me guess, you peed out little silver balls.” and Cortez said, “No i was jacking off in the kitchen and i think i killed the dog!”.

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, “You betcha!”

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, “We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi.”

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, “Did you eat their legs?”

The chief replied, “We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi.”

Another rescuer asked, “Did you eat their arms?”

The Chief replied, “We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi.”

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, “Did you…you know…eat, their…’things’?”

The chief says, “No.”

“No?” asked the rescuer.

“No,” replied the Chief, “THINGS go better with Coke.”

Their once was a Princess who fell in love with an indian, but still wasn’t happy because he had accomplished nothing in his life. One day in the paper the princess read of an herbal tea drinking contest. Suprisingly the in Indian was very good at this and decided to enter. The contest began and soon it was down to the indian and another man,they both drank 32 gallons of tea. Finally after 34 gallons the other man dropped out and the indian won, by drinking 35 gallons of herbal tea. After celebrating, the indian went to sleep with the trophy in his hands and….that night he drowned in his teapee!

Patient: Doctor, you’ve gotta help me. I eat apples, apples later come out into the toilet. I eat bananas, bananas come out.”

Doctor: That’s easy. Eat shit!

Two buddies were walking down the warf one day.Jack asked Joe what is 99+347.Well Joe said,thats easy boy,thats 446.Joe boy your getting some smart Jack said.Well Jack I been eating smart pills.You got anymore Joe.Yes I got More.So then Joe puts his hand down the ass of his pants and takes one out and gives it to jack.Then Jacks says my Joe,this tastes like shit.Joe says well Jack,your getting smarter already.

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their

lovers (Rascal, Dumbass ,Bobby) happened to be at the funeral home at the

same time,

and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man (Rascal) said, ‘My Benny loved to fly, so I’m going up

in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky.’

The second man (Dumbass) said, ‘My Carl was a good fisherman, so I’m

going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake.’

The third man (Bobby) said, ‘My Jim was such a good lover, I think

I’m

going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my

ass up just one more time.’

Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because it felt pretty crummy!

Overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.