Category: food

There was an englishman irishman and a scotsman who worked on a buildin site.

it was time for their dinner so the englishman opened his bait box and said “if i get cheese sandwiches tommorrow i will throw myself off that bridge” the scotsman and irishman say the same

so the next day comes and the englishman has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge

the scotsman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge and the irishman looks and he also has cheese sandwiches so he jumps off the bridge

at the funeral the wives meet up and the englishmans wife says “i could of just made him another kind of sandwich” the scotsmans wife says i would of got another kind of cheese” the irishmans wife says i do not know why he jumped he made his own sandwiches.

Q:what’s round,white and giggles?

A:a tickled onion

There once was a man who when he married his wife he swore never to eat baked beans because things happened when he did. one day when he took a 5 mile walk after 2 miles he got very hungry. ahead of him was baked bean stand. he was so hungry he had to have some. when he was finished eating he got very hyper and started to fart. since he still had 3 miles to go he thought it would wear off.

when he stepped into his house his eyes were covered with a blind fold. “i have a surprise for you” said his wife. “okay he said” he sat down at the table when the phone rang. he than realized eh had to fart. he let out a little bit. than a little bit more. finally he let out all of it. when his wife came back she took off the blind fold and sitting in front of him were 12 guests.

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.

There was a young girl named Maxine

Who found a new use for the bean.

As a vaginal bearing

She found it long-wearing,

And it varied her fucking routine.

Two women from england moved to America. They decided that since it was a traditional American food they would try there first hot dog.They were talking about how mean it was to kill a helpless dog for food. So they went to a hot dog stand and bought the hot dogs. They found a park bench to sit on and eat there dogs. The first one opens hers and turns bright pink…

and says…..

“what part did you get?”

Five men were selecter for a survey. They were taken away to a hotel called the goldings. There they found the place covered top to bottom in golden fittnigs and furnishings, the doors were gold , the floor was gold , the roof was gold , the stairs were gold .Every thing in the lobby was gold.

They were shown to there rooms by a maid , she had golden hair , golden dress , golden tights , golden shoes , golden piney and a golden hat. She shown each man in to his room.

The rooms were decorated in yet more gold. Golden beds , golden pillows , golden windows, golden toothbrushes , golden chocolates, golden soap, golden bathrobes, golden pictures .

They woke up that morning to have a bath in a golden bath with golden taps , golden mirrors , golden tiles and a golden toilet.

They were led to the golden diningroom via the golden staircase. The dining room was exquist. Golden walls , golden chairs, golden table goldrn knives and falks , golden spoons and a golden table cloth.

Theh golden maids came in and asked if they would like cerial or poridge for breakfast , while the men talked about how plush the place was.

The first man asked for poridge , as did the second third and forth , the fith asked for cerial.

and ladies and gentialmen this proves that 4 in 5 men prefur poridge!

A simple alternative, now that McDonald’s has spread to virtually every country on earth, has become to look at what a Big Mac costs, the IW said.”A particularly hungry American can buy five Big Macs for 11 dollars. If he exchanged the money into Deutsch-marks, his 18 marks in Germany can just barely obtain four Big Macs,” the IW said.Conclusion: based on the Big Mac index, the dollar is undervalued, the institute said.Americans can get their best Big Mac buy these days in Moscow, where one sandwich costs only about 59 cents.But Russians must “work nearly two days in order to afford this meaty capitalist achievement – longer than people in any other country”, the IW said.

Q:What do you give an injured lemon?

A:Lemonade

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter’s
strange eating habits.

“All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax.

What will happen to her, doctor?,” the mother inquired.

“Eventually,” said the doctor, “she will rise and shine!”

One day a guy was driving home from work urging for baked beans.After so long he finally went into a nearby restaurant and ate 5 servings of beans.He drove home and his wife told him she had a surprise for him,so she blindfolded him.Just then the phone rang and the wife went to get it but said whatever you do, dont peek and sat him at the dining room table.The guy noticed the beans satrted to have an affect.He lifted up his leg and let out a big one.He kept farting and finally the wife got off the phoine.She walked into the dining room and said …..whats that smell?…….It was time for his surprise so the wife took off his blind fold and there were guests all around the table for his birthday.

A Frenchmen is calmly having his breakfast when an American (noisily chewing gum) sits beside him.

The Frenchman ignores the American who (not happy about this) starts a conversation.

American: “Do you eat the whole bread?”

French (in a bad mood): “Of course!”

American: “We don’t. We only eat what is inside and the outside we put together in a container, recycle it, transform it into croissants and sell it to France.”

The French listens in silence.

The American insists: “Do you eat the bread with jam?”

French (now more annoyed): “Of course!”

American: “We don’t. We eat fresh fruit for our breakfast, put all the seed and the rest in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to France.”

The Frenchman then asks: “And what do you do with condoms once you used them?”

American: “We throw them away, of course!”

French: “We don’t. We put them in a container, recycle them, transform them into chewing gum and sell it to America.”