Category: food

Three guys who were lost at sea ended up landing on an unfamiliar island. After wandering around for a while, a group of natives picked them up and took them to their hut. The chief came up to them and said, “We will let you live, if you can go out into the jungle and bring me 10 pieces of fruit.” So the men agree and take off. The first guy brings back 10 apples and places them before the chief. “Now, you must stick the apples up your ass and not show a bit of emotion, or else we will kill you.” The guy got one, and on the second, he flinched and was killed. The second guy walks up and shows the chief 10 berries. He is given the same task and makes it up to 8 and then begins to laugh histerically. He is also killed. When the second guy gets to heaven and meets up with the first, the first asks him “You almost had it! Why did you laugh??” The second replies, “I couldnt help it. I got the 8th up there and saw the other guy walking up with pineapples.”

A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. “The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.
“Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode the stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG, and few of us realize the long-term harm caused by the pollutants in our drinking water.

“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”

A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, “Wedding cake.”

There was a building and the first floor had a pickle store. the second was nothing. the third floor was selling saws.one day a person went out on the porch of the second floor. the third floors manager droped a saw down. the saw cut the person’s ass then ass fell into a pickle jar. after a while an old lady bought the pickle jar with the ass inside it.when she went home she ate one. then she ate another one and another and another until the ass. when she ate it she said this one is extra good. she went back to the pickle store she said she will take 20 more jars……especially the ones with the white things inside it…

Q:What is a balince diet?

A:The same amont of cokies in each hand!

This family is sitting around the table and the kids have some meat in front of them and dont know wut it is. moms on the phone and says “thanks for givin us the deer meat the kids love it but dont know wut it is”. the dad says ” the name of the meat is something that ur mom calls me.” the little boy says spit it out spit it out sister its asshole.

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign. It says, �Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.� So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which reads, �Now there are two.�

About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn’t have to.

A big Texan cowboy stopped at a local restaurant following a day of drinking and roaming around in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table.

Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, “What is that you just served?”

The waiter replied, “Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull’s testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!”

The cowboy, though momentarily daunted, said, “What the heck, I’m on acation down here! Bring me an order!”

The waiter replied, “I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy”!

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.

After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, “These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!”

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, “Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.”

Two gay men{ Bobby and Peter) wre walking through a zoo. They come across the gorillas, and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men (Peter) just can’t bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it.

The gorilla grabs Peter, drags him into the cage and has his way with him for six hours nonstop. When he’s done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and Peter is taken away to the hospital.

The next day Bobby visits him in the hospital and asks, “Are you hurt?”

“AM I HURT?”, Peter shouts, “Wouldn’t you be? He hasn’t called, he hasn’t written…….”

What’s the difference between a Triscuit and a lesbian?

One’s a snack cracker, and the other’s a crack snacker.

This man could not get his daughter to scream. She would not even scream when she was mad. So a man put a poster outside of his house that said, “If you can make my daughter scream you will get $5,000!” A white man, a black man, and a chianeese man went to the house and took a shot at it.The white man went in, and the father heard no scream. The black man went in, and the father heard no scream again. So the chianeese man went in, and the father heard the loudest scream he had ever heard. The fater said, “My daughter never screams. How did you make her scream?” The chianeese man said, “Me chianeese me play trick me put hot sauce on my dick”

An italian walks into a hotel in malta and finds he has no sheet on his bed so he tells the owner” i want a shite on my bed ” the owner says you had better shit on the bed.